Superhero Media: Once Upon a Deadpool

I haven't flown in quite a while, do they still edit down films for airlines, just so kids don't end up watching overly violent or sexual content? With those individual entertainment units that planes have now, I'm assuming no? If you can enlighten me in the comments, please do so. Anyway, Once Upon A Deadpool retells the story of Deadpool 2 cut down for content in such a way that it would have a "PG-13" rating in the United States, meaning a person at or above the age of 13 could see the film unaccompanied in most cinemas. By contrast, Deadpool 2 was rated "Hard R", limiting the audience to 18 and over, which was matched by the R18+ rating here in Australia. Interestingly, however, Once Upon A Deadpool got an Australian "M" rating, placing the age limit at 15, because my government is more sensitive to violence than America. Just thought that was a fun little fact to share. Because so much content has been cut from the original film to make Once Upon A Deadpool work, scenes have been added with Fred Savage, playing himself in an extended reference to The Princess Bride. How is this even a real film? 

I quite enjoy Once Upon A Deadpool, it hits a level of metafiction that delights the literature graduate in me no end, especially moments like Fred Savage being a huge Cable fan or that Deadpool is reading from a book titled "Deadpool 2 King James Edition". As Once Upon A Deadpool was put together during the negotiations for the Disney acquisition of Fox Studios, there are some jokes about the comparative quality of the X-Men and Marvel Cinematic Universe films that will likely date poorly, but should form as an interesting "time capsule" when Deadpool moves across to the MCU down the track. Despite some criticism that indicates Once Upon A Deadpool is predominantly recycled footage, there is actually plenty of new dialogue, some dubbed over the movement of Deadpool's mask and a reasonable amount in ADR, so there are new jokes for the diehard fans outside of the Fred Savage scenes. For those hoping that there would be any interesting commentary around censorship in Once Upon A Deadpool, sadly that opportunity is mostly missed, beyond Deadpool keeping a tally of the number of times "shit" is said. 

If neither Deadpool nor Deadpool 2 was your kind of film, Once Upon A Deadpool isn't really too different in terms of content and probably won't be deemed acceptable by those in your life who didn't like Deadpool the first time around. That said, you can maybe sneak the unicorn-bedecked DVD cover past your family and be the "cool uncle" at the next family gathering when putting something on for the kids to watch. I hope any future, feature-length, Deadpool outings don't get to quite the same levels of metafiction as Once Upon A Deadpool, as it's a little exhausting by the end, but I'd be in for Deadpool "reversions" of some MCU stuff if that becomes an option for quick content that Disney decides to exploit, so long as its not run into the ground. For now Once Upon A Deadpool remains an interesting little oddity that I certainly enjoy enough to go back to occasionally.

Danton - Part I

Whilst moving house recently, I came across some pages of loose leaf I've saved since my final year of high school. They contain a silly little story I wrote while bored in class one week and I just never seemed to throw them out for some reason. Reading over them again, I found that in these silly stories is something of the origin of some of my approach to gaming storytelling as it is nearly two decades hence. So for a little bit, I'll be writing up the story, which spins out of a synopsis of the first part of the 1983 film Danton, it's very silly and rather juvenile, and I've only edited the spelling mistakes and worst grammar, so maybe come back next week if you were hoping for anything more meaningful.


Danton

During the Terror, Robespierre and the Committee struggle to maintain control over the masses. Danton, the Great Orator, and his followers seek to overthrow the Committee and end the Terror. Robespierre seeks to imprison Danton without inciting a popular uprising. Danton allows himself to be imprisoned to further his cause. Some of Danton's followers turn against him. Robespierre decides to release the Sentinels to quell the mutant menace. The Justice League break Danton out of gaol and give him the armor of "La Dynamo Tricolore". Dracula seizes control of the Committee and reactivates Voltron, making the Marquis de Condorcet Voltron Commander. Seeking revenge, Robespierre allies himself with The Iron Paw, a coalition of werewolves. Gamera is awakening from his hibernation imposed by Doctor Strange, who has repaired Gundam Wing Zero.

When Gamera awakens, he goes on a rampage in Paris, Dracula sends Voltron to stop him. A team of Werewolf-hunting Ninja attack the Iron Paw, who are actually evil and trying to release a Storm Elemental into the world. In a pitched battle all the Werewolves and Ninja, bar a single Ninja, are killed. The last Ninja swears to hunt down and kill Robespierre, who has gone to Otherworld to fight in the Mortal Kombat tournament. A pair of Japanese fae turn Danton into a giant badger to battle Gamera and Voltron. During the battle, Voltron accidentally destroys Master Mould's holding cell and it attempts to destroy all humans in Paris. Doctor Strange arrives in Gundam Wing Zero and destroys Master Mould with his Beam Cannon. Voltron kills Badger Danton but is destroyed by Gamera, who leaves mysteriously with Doctor Strange.

Superhero Media: Teen Titans GO! Vs Teen Titans

Following on from the epic Teen Titans GO! To the Movies, Teen Titans GO! Vs Teen Titans (hereafter TTGVTT) finally returns the much-loved Teen Titans incarnation to screens thirteen years after they left. Can I just say that I don't get the appeal of Teen Titans? I don't feel that it's a bad programme by any measure, but I tend to find the tone a little off and could never quite get comfortable watching it. Sure, Teen Titans GO! is almost pure nonsense, but it never pretends to be higher art, so I have plenty to enjoy. After an encounter with Gentleman Ghost, the Titans (GO! version) have to help Raven stop her inner demon from being unleashed and destroying the world. Sucked into a mysterious portal, our heroes are forced to fight their greatest foes, the Teen Titans! The usual "we fight until we realise we're on the same side" superhero team-up shenanigans ensue and both teams of Titans have to face off against two Trigons, trying to conquer the multiverse. 

So TTGVTT is basically a Teen Titans version of Turtles Forever or Into the Spider-Verse, with a multiverse of Titans teams having to come together to win the day. The film is entertaining enough, though not quite as good as Teen Titans GO! To the Movies was, with the humor coming more from interaction between the two teams, rather than being observational jokes about the superhero film industry. Again, not having watched much Teen Titans, there was a bit that went over my head, in terms of references. That's probably the great weakness of TTGVTT, in that it requires a working knowledge of both programmes to fully enjoy, but there isn't too much crossover with the fanbases. I know some fans that don't like the original versions being sidelined and others that wanted more jokes and randomness, so it seems that TTGVTT isn't terribly satisfying for anyone. I do like that the focus is more on Raven than Robin for a change, but the friction between the two incarnations of the Boy Wonder is a recurring element still. 

I guess, in the end, how do you top Teen Titans GO! To the Movies? It's like how The Godfather Part III is actually really not that bad, but after The Godfather Part II, anything is going to look poor by comparison. The solid cast and crew make TTGVTT look and sound great, as they know their craft really well after all these years, like how the later seasons of The Simpsons are well produced if nothing else. If you're a grown person who's still butthurt over Teen Titans being canceled, because it had poor ratings, and being replaced by Teen Titans GO!, which continues to be huge across multiple platforms, maybe TTGVTT could be the push you finally need to give the new programme a real go. At the very least, this film is the only new Teen Titans content that has come out in years and may well be the last for a while.

Thinking Out Loud: Big Hero Sex

So this article is about the theoretical sex lives of characters in a children's cartoon. Not because that's the kind of thing really interests me, or turns me on, but because I've had this idea in my brain for years and need to get it down to get it out to make space for something useful. Hopefully this doesn't come across as too skeevy or pornographic, as that isn't what I'm going for, a healthy sex life is an important part of personal development and given that the older members of Big Hero Six (Fred, Go-Go, Honey Lemon and Wasabi) are probably somewhere in their early-to-mid twenties, it just kind of makes sense that they're engaging in this kind of thing, even if it's never on-screen. First big bombshell, I think Fred has had sex with everyone in the group. Yes, Fred is an eternal man-child, but he's demonstrated as having an irresistible charisma and I think he's just charming enough that he does alright. Is Fred bi- or pansexual? I doubt he really knows what he is, he just follows along with what he likes and doesn't bother with much self-examination.

The other big claim I have is that Honey Lemon is trans-feminine. This one is pretty tenuous, but throughout the animated series, Honey is referred to as "Tall Girl" repeatedly, which she chafes at. It's not universal, but within the trans community, trans-femmes can use the moniker "Tall Girls" to identify, and Honey does have moments where the "girly-girl" mask slips a little, such as when she gets really into professional wrestling or finds a boy band insufferable. I don't, for a minute, think that this reading is intentional on the part of the authors, just an odd coincidence of trying to write the character similar to how she was portrayed in the film. I also tend to think that if Honey has particular feelings for any other member of the group, it's Fred; though she recognises that he has a lot of growing to do and doesn't actively pursue the relationship. This frustrates Go-Go though, who has a huge gay crush on Honey Lemon. Yeah, sporty girl is a lesbian is a pretty obvious trope to fall back on, but Go-Go really only seems to have close relationships with other women in the series (Wendy Wower) and Hiro, a child.

Probably the least subtle in the series is Wasabi No-Ginger being gay, which, again, doesn't feel so much deliberate as plainly obvious. The one time he really seems to get into someone in the series, it's a genetically "perfected" male assistant who is a great cook and ideal host. Wasabi is certainly only just figuring out his sexuality and probably edges towards being ACE, but it is there to see if you're looking for it. I think the reason this stuff has been on my mind has more to do with my wanting the characters in the media I'm watching to have a little more depth without resorting to the typical grimdark nonsense. The majority of the Big Hero 6 team are in their twenties, so naturally would be likely to be engaging in sexuality and relationships, and nothing here is intended to be overly salacious or out of reasonable possibility for the setting. What these characters would be like if they were a little more "real" is fun to consider, and I don't feel much guilt thinking about them as adults with adult relationships.

Superhero Media: Venom

Wow Venom is a bad film. Seriously, I don't see many films with such a huge budget and major studio support that are as thoroughly poor as this one. The script is bad, the direction is bad, the acting (for the most part) is bad, the CGI is terrible and even the soundtrack is uninspired. It's quite a feat. Yes, before someone has a go at me, Tom Hardy does deliver a brilliant performance and is the one good part of Venom, but he's so idiosyncratic and out of step with every other actor in the piece, that it just clashes with the other mess happening. Even before Eddie Brock encounters the Venom symbiote, Hardy plays the character with odd affectations and overlapping dialog, making him stand out starkly from the much more standard line delivery every other actor is giving. So whilst I'd agree that Tom Hardy is fun to watch in Venom, he does not, and cannot, "save" the film. 

Personally, I don't really feel that there is enough of a character to Venom to really carry his own film, let alone franchise, despite his popularity, as his best work remains in being a "dark mirror" to Spider-Man. Given that Venom is, through it's post-credits sequence, placed firmly in the "Spider-Verse" multiverse, meaning there may actually be no Spider-Man with which Venom can contrast. It's like making a film about the Joker in a world without a Batman, sure you can do it, but you're missing a huge chunk of what makes the character interesting and memorable. Speaking of memorable, I cannot recall the name of any character in Venom other than Eddie and Venom, because none of them make any impact. Wait, John Jameson is referenced in the opening with the space shuttle crash, but as he doesn't transform into the Man-Wolf or appear to have found the Moon Gem, I lost interest pretty fast. 

What else is there to say about Venom? It exists, isn't good and Tom Hardy is fun to watch flail around. How about Upgrade being a better version of the same concept, or the post-credits tease just being a five minute segment of Into the Spider-Verse like the studio knew that was the winner all along? Before the huge boom in superhero cinema, this would have been the end of it, like Spawn or Green Lantern before him, Venom had a bad film and it would have gone away. However, because of a rabid internet fanbase and the fact everyone actually paid money to see this for some reason, we now have a whole Venom "series" to enjoy for years to come. Plenty more of this drab and uninspired take on an, at best, semi-interesting character rolling our way soon, like a turd in the wind. Because that was such a great line apparently.

Fantasy Football IV

I do enjoy doing these, as it lets me bring attention to characters I really like but who may not be as well known as others, or to take a character out of their existing context to try something new with. The reason these are so long between versions is that I'm not actively looking for characters, but rather, they occur to me as I'm watching or otherwise working on other articles for this blog, and they go on a list until I have the five I like to do for each. Rules remain the same as previous entries, I'm considering recruits for a theoretical superhero team to battle evil. The team needs balance, and a range of abilities, but also the personalities can only clash so much, too much of the wrong kind of ego will throw off the balance.

Adam Warlock (from the Jim Starlin run)

Although I'm rarely big on high power-level characters, but there is something charming about the classic Adam Warlock and his all-powerful Soul Gem. Warlock can perform amazing feats, but fear of his own power, and possibly becoming an evil god, keep him in check and force him to fight rather than simply obliterate all before him. Warlock has an unbending will that dives him as well, which would lead to his downfall if he didn't surround himself with dissenting opinions and people who looked at the world a lot less seriously than he does. With his cosmic status, Warlock is also able to see the "big picture" in a way many can't, which can make his actions inscrutable, but always for a higher good.

Batman (as played by Adam West)

No, I swear this isn't a troll, I've been thinking a great deal about which Batman I would want on any theoretical team, and it's this one. Yes, The Animated Series still has the 'best' version of Batman, but the Adam West incarnation has something that most others lack, a focus on intellect and problem-solving over karate chopping mentally ill people in Halloween masks. Sure, sometimes the programme takes an odd tack at this, but Batman's role with the police is that of an advisor, very much a precursor to the concept of The Mentalist or Psych. Despite the mythology that has been built around the character, Batman is just a man who's pretty decent in a fight, his true greatest asset is his mind, especially when surrounded by strictly more 'powerful' heroes, so why not have the version of the character most focused on their mental acumen?


Rando Yaguchi (from Shin Godzilla)

What's this, a politician? What good is he going to be in a fight? Well, here I'm linking more of Henry Gyrich from the old Avengers comics, as the official liaison between a super-team and the government, and, well, good fictional politicians are few and far between. Yaguchi is competent, humble and not so far ingrained in the system that he is inflexible, which is the strength by which he comes to be defined. When confronted by the impossible, in the shape of Godzilla, Yaguchi risks his political career by being flexible enough to embrace unorthodox solutions from iconoclasts and outsiders. That sounds like exactly the guy I'd want advocating for the team of people with random powers who have a history of punching the problem away whilst wearing spandex. Sure we could just nuke it from orbit, but Yaguchi is just asking for one chance with the costuming wearing weirdos.


Red Guardian (from the MCU)

I love him and want to see him get his own solo series on Disney+ at some stage. Red Guardian has always been one of those characters who is better in concept than in execution, that is, until David Harbour put the costume on. From the "Karl Marx" tattoos across his knuckles to the absolute insistence that he fought, and beat, Captain America once, Red Guardian almost stole the entire film along with my heart. In a team, Red Guardian fills the Flash/Hawkeye role of technically being actually useful, but mostly needed for the levity they bring to the dynamic and general humanity that helps ground the aliens and gods around them. Whilst not the strongest fighter, Red Guardian can hold his own against foes like Taskmaster and never gives up, even when coughing up his own blood on the floor and in a giant flying base falling from the sky. Fight on, comrade!


Princess Star Butterfly (like, three episodes before the end of the series, I guess?)

She's a little weird and a little wild, but this extra-dimensional Princess is a powerhouse to be reckoned with. From Narwhal Blasts to Warnicorn Stampedes, Star's magical abilities are more combat-oriented than most comic wizards, but she does show a grasp of magic as a discipline that is deeper than one would think of a teen possessing. Star is a fighter from a long lineage of warrior princesses, not psychically overly strong, but an accomplished brawler who can mix magic with punches better than most. It also bares mentioning that Star is capable of great compassion, as when she attempts to make peace with the monsters in her world, and great sacrifice, as when she is willing to never see Marco again to save the multiverse from magic gone awry. A great hero and a valuable addition to any team. 

Superhero Media: Dragon Ball - Episode of Bardock

Ok, this is gonna be a quick one, as Episode of Bardock is all of twenty minutes long, and there's not much to it. Somehow not dying along with most of his species and his planet, Bardock is flung back in time to the era of Freiza's grandparent, Chilled, somehow before the sayains or tuffles evolved? But there are some slug aliens I can't remember the name of and they have healing goo, which is somehow linked to the healing tanks the Frezia army uses? Ok, so diving into the lore and "science" of Dragon Ball is always a bad decision, but the origins of the Sayian race and how they came to work for Freiza come up often enough that it still kind of bugs me. Turning briefly to my ongoing theories on the generation of the Frost Dynasty however, I will note that Episode of Bardock supports my concept of each new generation being more powerful than the last. 

So Bardock is the first Super Sayian, huh? Well that's pretty neat, and does tie in with the idea that certain Sayian families have a monopoly on the power, at least in the main timeline. Think about it, aside from Broly, only those of the Vegeta and Bardock lineages have ever ascended to the level of Super Sayian in the main universe. Interesting, huh? I'm sure there's a fan essay to be had there for someone more committed to that sort of thing than I. In a twenty minute special, however, Bardock only gets to be Super Sayian for a few minutes, which is more than enough time to defeat Frost and hopefully not create a time paradox because I assume King Cold has already been "born"? I mean, the Time Patrol does pick Bardock up in the games, so there had to have been some kind of shenanigans along the way. 

Probably the best description of Episode of Bardock is "non-essential", there's nothing in it for any but the most die-hard fan, who plays all the games, watches all the programmes and probably even plays at least one of the card games. I myself had some "Mysterious Masked Sayian" in one of my Dragon Ball Super CCG decks back when I played, so the character is around if you look for him, but isn't currently essential to the main story. Then again, the short run-time of Episode of Bardock makes it perfect to get a little taste of DBZ in a short period of time, and at least the animation is decent, even if the story is pretty poor. As for me, it's on to bigger and better DBZ outings.