Superhero Media: Superman IV: The Quest for Peace

This film has a horrendous reputation, it is famed for being one of the "death-blows" of superhero cinema. Now, before  go on to defend it for a little, I'll describe exactly why it's so god damned bad. Superman remains a shining gem of superhero cinema, but it was expensive and difficult to make, so much so that Richard Donner, the director, was fired partway through the sequel. Consequently, Superman II, as much as I love it, got a bit more camp and silly than the original, with more studio oversight and heavy editing. Continue this trend for two more films and you can understand how campy and dumb Superman IV got. It may be down to the idea, that never seems to go away completely, that superheroes are for children and, thus, jocular and simplistic are core watchwords of plot. Whilst I'm not inclined to compare comics too closely to other forms of art, Superman, at least, was a hit will all ages. Still the series devolved, and we're left with Superman IV as the final reminder of what started out as a great series. 

So, is there anything redeemable about Superman IV? Well, some of the ideas could work as the basis of much better story-lines. Superman (or, more likely, Hyperion or Invincible) decides to disarm the world by force? How would the USA react? Or Israel? Or North Korea? Each hero is the body of the "American Way", so could this be construed as Western Imperialism or a straight-up act of war? With nuclear weapons gone, would the 'hero' start on tanks, planes and/or guns? Could the planet Earth soon be under a totalitarian regime where knives and pointy sticks are whisked away by an omniscient ubermench? How could ordinary people fight back, and how would other heroes react? Iron Man would be pretty pissed when someone tried to take the suit out of his bones and Black Panther never reacts well to a border violation. Hell, there's a good RPG or narrative scenario right there, Black Panther has to take down the Man of Steel gone rogue.
 

Don't get me wrong, unless you're a few drinks in, don't bother with Superman IV. It's a dull mess that makes no sense and is best forgotten. The fights fail to be interesting and there are too many sub-plots that go nowhere. To be fair, there was no chance of this being good after Superman III, but it didn't need to be this bad either. Only bother with it if, like me, you're a completionist. Still, it was far more entertaining than Super Buddies. 

 

Miniatures Finished: Cosmic Heroes and Cosmic Villains

Good progress continues, which is great because I've bought a tonne of clix this year! 

 Mantis, Gamora and Cosmo the Space Dog join my growing Guardians roster. 

 Brainiac, Space Phantom and Colonel America. Each are touch-up jobs on factory paints. Brainiac got a snow base as a tribute to Whatever happened to the Man of Tomorrow?, Space Phantom is just a favorite early Avengers enemy and Colonel America will see some play in Zombies and Firefight games as well as being a good Avatar for Thanos.

Superhero Media: Super Buddies

God I watch some crap for these things. Seriously, I must have a problem, because every time I see a vaguely superhero-ish film on TV or Netflix, I have to watch it and add it to the Superhero Media backlog that never seems to go away completely. In this crapfest, some puppies get super-powers from magic collars that come in bags of dog food and decide to fight crime because what else would you do? The dogs have "personalities", in that they have a single defining aspect, such as food, sports, racism and being a girl. This review is going to be more a collection of bitter ranting about the quality of entertainment for children than an in-depth examination of superhero tropes as they are explored in different media. 

I was lucky growing up, the Disney Renascence was happening, classics like Watership Down and the Narnia books were readily avialble. Yes, crap like Street Sharks was on television, but there was quality available and it did better in the market. Most people of my vintage have only hazy memories of Street Sharks, but Batman The Animated Series and Animaniacs are firmly etched in our minds. I really hope that this dog turd of a film is soon forgotten and no children attach fond memories to the one girl dog getting princess powers and the puppy clearly voiced by a very white man saying "yo dogs" every thirty seconds. The evil alien is defeated with the powers of love and friendship and the whole sorry mess lasts just over an hour.
 

Is there a lesson to be learned from this garbage? Yes, go read We 3 instead and see how this concept can be done better. Hell, check out Cosmo the Space dog in Marvel comics or some of the newer work done with Krypto. Pet Avengers is pretty good for a joke comic and Thor, Frog of Thunder is always good for a laugh. The difference with those examples is, of course, that someone gave a crap and put a modicum of effort in. But hey, Super Buddies is only for your kids right? Who cares? 

 

Miniatures Finished: Historicals and Guardians

Fresh off the painting desk: 

 Quickie civilian nurse (Dipped and rebased clix) and Swashbuckling Phantom for a big Pirate game later in the year.

 Moondragon, Pip the Troll and Starlord join the fight for some Frostgrave later in the year. 

 

Superhero Media: Constantine (2014)

The Hellblazer comics are something of a masterwork in urban horror and mysticism. Penned over the years by some of the best comic writers to come out of the UK, Hellblazer is a unique beast that sits best in the Vertigo line, just outside the world populated by Green Lanterns, the Suicide Squad and Lex Luthor. The protagonist, John Constantine, also works best operating out of England, as the "fish out of water" element of a Brit in the USA tends to be distracting, putting a larger focus on the hilarity of British slang and idiosyncrasies that seem "odd" to Americans. So once again, the chosen adaptation places John in the USA to fight monsters and do some magic. The problems with this approach are not merely cultural, John really should be swearing and chain-smoking, which are big problems on American television and there is also a sense of a divine plan and a loving god, something else typically missing from the pages of Hellblazer. So it seems, once again, we're looking at an American take on a British classic. 

In it's favour, Constantine is well cast. Matt Ryan seems pretty much born for the role, carrying the programme in many places where the writing and effects let it down. It sounds a tad backhanded, but Ryan seems to be doing the best he can with the material he's given; I'm keen to see what his appearance in Arrow is like and how that gels with the brooding, shirtless, buff guy patrol. I'm in two minds about the inclusion of broader DCU elements, such as Felix Faust and Doctor Fate's helmet. On one hand, I like the idea of heroes being part of a whole world, rather than an isolated, "chosen" few. On the other hand, John always seems a bit out of step with the rest of the DCU. I can not really, for example, picture him in the Champions of Tomorrow or a Justice League variant. It's like having the X-men fight Dracula, sure they're in the same universe, but the tone is so off, it fails to "feel" right.  
 

 

I should probably talk about the programme at some point, right? It's ok. About on par with the first season of Supernatural. I can't say I'm disappointed that it wasn't renewed, but I would have watched more of it. The third episode "The Devil's Vinyl", is worth checking out, featuring an infernal Robert Johnson recording and Constantine blasting Sex Pistols and shouting "Gimme some juice, Johnny!" as a battle-cry. Makes the music nerd in me very happy. One of those oddities where less familiarity with the comics will make for more enjoyment. 
 

Thinking Out Loud: I'm Batman

As I've been working on assignments recently, the back of my mind has been turning something over, and I believe that I've hit on a pretty contentious theory. I believe that Batman may not actually be a great superhero, in fact, Batman may actually suck out loud. Now, I know I've probably lost readers and earned myself some nasty comments with that last sentence, but I'd like a chance to explain this line of reasoning. Batman has been around for over 75 years now, changing with the times and going from a vintage pulp to a pop-culture icon. He's changed with the times, despite being laughable now, the Adam West television programme is pretty accurate to the comics of the era and since the Nolan/Arkham Bats was popularised, Batman has become some form of ultimate ninja, genius, zillionaire, messianic figure. What is most irritating about that change is that it is, frankly, unnecessary for the character. Batman is, at his best, part Zorro, part Sherlock Holmes, part Lone Ranger. 

Not that I'm, for a minute, suggesting that stagnation an cliche are the best resorts for any character. Golden Age Batman was a gun-toting thug and Pre-Crisis Batman fought alien cactus-men and avoided the Joker's big boner. Growth and change is good, but with Batman, it's come full-circle back to Golden Age silliness, dressed up as grimdark, ultra-serious, neo-noir. If New 52 Batman grits his teeth any harder, he'll need one hell of a dentist. One of the things I like about Marvel Comics is that they, typically, celebrate their gawky Silver Age; Hawkeye cops flak for having worn a skirt and Iron Man marvels that he once fit the entire armour in a suitcase. In Batman RIP, Grant Morrison decided to retcon Batman's entire silver age into a series of hallucinations and mental defences that the Dark Knight put into place over the years. Honestly, that seems like a real waste to me. Superheroes are inherently ridiculous, and Batman especially so; are we seriously meant to believe that years of training are all someone needs to dodge bullets and fight off a dozen ninja and memorize a face in a microsecond and drive a unique, experimental vehicle down crowded streets at high speeds and decipher the absurd logic of a madman and countless other feats? Batman is at his best when he uses skill, strategy and guile to stand alongside gods on his own merits.
 

To put it in plain English, Batman is strongest when he's attainable. Not everyone can be Superman, Wonder Woman or Green Lantern, but with enough determination, we could be Batman. I think that's why the Batman sidekicks have such an endurance as well; Robin, Nightwing, Batgirl, Spoiler and the rest can't match Batman, but they can keep up and Batman needs them around to stay in touch with reality. That's why I love the Batman Incorporated concept so much, after some major soul-searching, Bruce decides that the best legacy he can leave the world isn't punching the Joker, but teaching others how to follow in his footsteps, to take on their own mantle and keep up the fight. I think that's way cooler than Batman being "totally awesome at everything" and I hope to see more drift away from the pandering to the pop-culture trends that has been a fixture of the comics and cartoons for the past few years. 

Supehero Media: The Scarlet Pimpernel

Yes! I've been waiting for this one. The Scarlet Pimpernel by Baroness Orczy is perhaps the most important literary work in the establishment of superheroes as a genre. A great many of the tropes that we associate with characters like Batman, the Phantom, Green Hornet and Blue Beetle, if they did not start with Orczy, certainly were first codified in this way with her seminal work. With close examination, tropes from The Scarlet Pimpernel can be seen in media as far-reaching as Dragonball Z and the inFamous video games. We'll get to all that shortly, but for now... It is the height of the Terror in 1792, Mob rule in Paris is leading to the execution of all French nobility and one brave hero heads a network to rescue the innocent; the Scarlet Pimpernel! Lady Marguerite is married to notorious fop and dandy, Sir Percy Blakeney but dreams of the heroic Pimpernel as well of a life full of adventure and excitement. 

Given the age of the book, you probably know the story, Sir Percy is the Pimpernel and he and Marguerite are embroiled in a plot by the French Committee. The novel is told from Marguerite's perspective and features a lot less "action" than any television or film adaptation. The important part here is not how the story is told, but the ways in which it is told. Marguerite is married to Sir Percy, but loves the Scarlet Pimpernel, sound familiar? Jane Foster wants to make time with Thor but ignores Donald Blake? Diane Meade is fascinated by The Martian Manhunter, but doesn't care for Detective John Jones? Videl is obsessed with uncovering the true identity of the Great Saiyaman but finds Gohan forgettable? Shove that in your pipe and smoke it misogynist idiots who say women have no place writing superheroes, a woman invented one of the major tropes that can be found in just about every comic, film or television programme in the genre! Also, No one suspects that Sir Percy could possibly be the brave, intelligent and resourceful Pimpernel, because he's clearly a useless dandy. I mean, there's no way the party-boy Bruce Wayne could be Batman right? 
 

So yeah, the book is a pretty fantastic meta-text. It's not a great read to be honest, the language is repetitive and the narrative is predictable, but that's not what makes it such a classic. The Pimpernel is the precursor of Zorro, the Spirit, Batman, Green Hornet, the Lone Ranger, Blue Beetle, the Great Saiyaman, Martain Manhunter, Superman and countless others. If you're serious about seeing where everything from Golden Age Batman to Captain America: Civil War evolved from, you need to start here. Perhaps not the best work in the genre, but certainly one of the most important. "They seek him here, they seek him there..."