Even More Superhero Movies that Never Happened

This should really be the last of these for a while, especially as none of these films ever made it out of pre-production, with a bit of the casting being wish-lists and scripts never finished. With only one exception, I'm pretty glad that none of these never got up, as none of them sounded too interesting or that capable of being good. Ok, maybe two? But the second one is more about seeing what the director would have done than it being a decent film in its own right.


Spider-Man 4 

There is a lot of conflicting information online as to what a potential 4th Sam Rami Spider-Man outing could have looked like, with just about every Spidey antagonist, from Black Cat to Scorpion, but the main lead seems to be around Curtis Conners (as played by Dylan Baker) becoming The Lizard. Seriously, just about every internet film site has a different "leaked script" to work from, and all of them claim to have the real deal. After seeing how the conflict between Rami and the studio affected Spider-Man 3, I think not getting this one is more like dodging a bullet than missing out on anything.

Hellboy III 

Yes, I really wanted this one, and I maintain it's a shame that it never materialised. However, after the smaller return on Hellboy II, and with the plan being an end-of-the-world story with a downer ending, Hollywood just would have never gotten there. Sometimes what's good and what's going to make the studio a bunch of money just aren't close and we get a mediocre reboot rather than the finale of a unique series in the Superhero genre. Think about it, in the "Demonic Superhero" film sub-sub-genre, Hellboy is the ONLY worthwhile entry, being great even factoring in that the competition is Spawn and Faust Love of the Damned. How would this have gone? I'm not sure, but given how amazing the previous two outings were, this one really does feel like a loss.

Justice League Mortal

The idea of what Justice League Mortal could have been, especially in the wake of the 2017 version being disappointing, has become a flag for diehard DC fans to flock to, but my interest in it is more from a construction standpoint. As it stands, the intended director of this film would have been Australian legend, George Miller of Mad Max fame, and seeing him taking a swing at a Justice League inspired by both the Bruce Timm DCAU and Mark Waid comics version. I'm not sure that Miller would have been a good choice for the tone, and I maintain that John Stewart is too thin a character to carry anything grander than a cartoon, but there was potential there and had it been made, perhaps the face of the DC films would have been vastly different.


That Shitty James Cameron Spider-Man 

Not only could this have been a terrible film in it's own right, it may well have been so bad that it could have conceivably scuppered the entire Superhero Film industry for years. Featuring none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger as Doctor Octopus (who is calling himself "Spider-Man" for some reason), Peter Parker would have been a student of Doc Ock before getting his powers, and the two would have battled, along with a giant robot spider on top of the World Trade Center. Cameron is a decent director, no doubt about that, even if I'm not really a big fan myself, but the details that have leaked about this project leave little room for favorable interpretation. Much like former entries, YouTube is full of little documentaries about this that go into far more detail than I can really do here, if that's of interest to you. 

Superhero Media: Captain Britain and MI13

Been a long time since I ran my SuperSystem RPG campaign based on this comic (and Alan Moore's run on "Captain Britain"), but if you haven't heard of it, Captain Britain and MI13 may well be one of the best comics you've never read. Written by Paul Cornell, decent Doctor Who novel writer, poor Doctor Who television writer and reasonable comics writer, Captain Britain and MI13 starts in the middle of the Secret Invasion crossover event, as British heroes battle the Skrulls for the control of Earth's magic. Answering the call are Captain Britain, Union Jack, Spitfire, Black Knight and Pete Wisdom, having to battle the Skrulls in their midst as well as the invading forces, before Avalon and the Fae realms fall to the enemy. Through the death of Captain Britain, the freeing for Merlin from the dark realms and Brian Braddock being reborn more powerful than ever before, and wielding Excalibur, Britain is saved from the Skrulls and a new team is born, MI13. 

Union Jack makes his own way with MI5, but pops up in the story here and there, with Dr Faiza Hussein joining the team as the new wielder of Excalibur and Blade, yes, the Daywalker, signing on as well, because he's actually British, believe it or not. In the second volume the team takes on obscure magical foe Doctor Polkta, a Duke of Hell and Master of the Mindless Ones, who has taken over a Birmingham block of flats, before the dial gets turned to eleven and the team battle Dracula himself, with his army of vampires invading England from the Moon. No, I didn't make any of that up. In a smaller title like Captain Britain, Paul Cornell is free to go nuts in a way a writer never could in a more popular book, which is great, but the only thing better than Captain Britain punching Dracula in the face, is that the whole series is actually well-written, with compelling characters and good moments of humour. 

Naturally, this series, sadly canceled early, is way up the top of my list for properties I want adapted into the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Yes, there are a lot of great Captain Britain stories, and it would be great to see the Corps and The Fury show up, but Captain Britain and MI13 is almost perfectly set up for a big screen trilogy already. The first adventure need not be tied into the "Secret Invasion" plot, but could piggyback onto any big Avengers moment, then the next two films follow on into "Hell Comes to Birmingham" and "Vampire State". The cast is already reasonably diverse, a little fiddling of the Meggan elements is needed, but even dropping her and bringing Faiza and Black Knight's relationship more into the fore is a reasonable possibility. Sadly, the three volumes of Captain Britain and MI13 aren't all that easy to get your hands on, with the print runs of all but the first volume being pretty small and not in the typical Marvel covers, but if you can find it, it's a great series that I go back to again and again. Hopefully, Cornell will get another run at the team one day, but what is there is great.

Thinking Out Loud: Serial Killer Villians

In the grim and dark reality of 1990s comics, a new kind of villain emerged, edgier and more dangerous that what had come before it; the Serial Killer. Murderous villains had been a thing since the Golden Age, of course, with even The Owl and Egghead racking up the odd kill, but with the change in tone and market that came with the Dark/Iron Age, things changed. Suddenly, rather than taking on costumed criminals or mob bosses, Daredevil and Batman were fighting The Surgeon General and Mr Zsasz. Now, a superhero fighting a murderer isn't the worst thing in the world, especially for the more detective style characters like Batman and Daredevil, but how about someone more lighthearted in tone, like Spider-Man? So I, personally, find Venom to be a pretty uninteresting villain, but much of his original run is good and as the "glass darkly" version of Spider-Man, he does well enough. Naturally, Venom wasn't hardcore enough for the 1990s, so along came Carnage. 

Not only was Carnage even "worse" than Venom, his first host was a serial killer (Cletus Cassidy), he was red, and his super powers let him make nasty bladed weapons. Yawn. Sure, there have been a couple of decent Carnage stories, I remember one where the symbiote was hopping people to escape attention that was a fun mystery, but "edgier Venom" can never be that interesting when Venom is just "edgier Spider-Man". But back to Mister Zsasz, who immediately gets points for having a palindrome name, he's enjoyed something of an upswell in fans thanks to his appearances in Arkham City and Birds of Prey, and I actually don't mind him as an antagonist; most of the time. In the tie-in issues for Batman: No Man's Land, there's a story where Dr Leslie Thompson elects to treat an injured and unconscious Zsasz despite the danger; it's an interesting story with some ethical dilemma and is a nice break from the main story. That is, unit Zsasz starts killing people in his sleep. Yes, he's so deadly, he murders people whilst unconscious. Odin's beard is that dumb. 

So what am I getting at will all this complaining? Well, the 1990s were not a great time for comics, though I maintain there was plenty of gold if you looked, but it's still pretty much all stuff that happened, and comics love keeping track of stuff that has happened. So now, when we look back and go, "man, Maximum Carnage is really pretty bad", it kind of doesn't matter because Carnage is still here, he never went away. In fact, pretty much all of the Serial Killer Super Villains are still with us, and will now be forever. What's bugging me about that is how much I see the trope pop up in indy comics, even when it doesn't really fit. Hell, as great as it is, Invincible is already pretty violent, so did Conquest really add anything as a character or was it just a fun fight? I know when we homebrew our settings, we want a Joker or a Venom, but does that really fit? Hell, is it at least interesting? What does Zodiac or BTK in a colourful costume add to your story other than an excuse for buckets of blood? Think on that and we'll examine the flip-side of the coin later down the track.

Superhero Media: Man-Thing (2005)

If you want deep cuts, I hope you know to come here, as today we'll be covering the 2005 Man-Thing film adaptation by Marvel Studios and Lions Gate Films. Filmed in Australia, for tax reasons, the two biggest names in the piece are Jack Thompson, Aussie screen legend, and Rachael Taylor, Patsy Walker from Jessica Jones, but Steve Gerber, creator of Man-Thing and Howard the Duck, has a decent role as a racist security guard. When Kyle Williams, the new Sheriff, is transferred to a small bayou town, he is confronted by a corrupt Oil Baron, a well-meaning schoolteacher, enigmatic natives and the Man-Thing. Rather than drawing too much on the esoteric underground comics that made Gerber and Man-Thing popular in the first place, Man-Thing uses the titular monster as a generic antagonist for a by-the-numbers horror outing set in the Dirty South. Honestly, that was probably a sound decision, as much as I love classic "Man-Thing" comics, they're fucking weird and would not make a good film. 

For what it is, Man-Thing is reasonable, if cliched, with many of the actors, Thompson especially, giving the script the best they have and the practical effects are nice. Being, partially, a Film Australia joint, I found a wealth of material on Man-Thing in the Australian Film Archive, and it's shocking just how much effort went into a film this poor. Way back in my review of Constantine, I spoke about the brilliant work that went into the props for the film, and much the same happened in Man-Thing, with the cadavers being especially well-made, but Man-Thing himself is disappointingly too often cheap CGI. It feels like the art department understood that Man-Thing was a living creature of swamp debris, but only had issues of "Swamp Thing", as Ted Slais' iconic face roots are nowhere to be seen. Although the words, "All those who fear burn at the Man-Thing's touch" are used a couple of times in the film, the titular character is not really a major feature of what's going on, more just turning up to murder people when needed. 

I had to get a friend who runs a rare DVD import business to track down my copy of Man-Thing, though a quick look online tells me that it's not all that hard to find, especially if you don't mind getting a French copy. It's interesting to watch this film, even if it isn't great and really isn't a true adaptation of any "Man-Thing" comics. Again, I think a Man-Thing film that adheres closely to the comics would be difficult to realise, though adding the character to something like a Howard the Duck film, or perhaps Doctor Strange could work, much how he ended up in Werewolf By Night. One of the best Man-Thing related things I have read was in a Hulk comic, where Salis's empathy powers bond him to a serial killer and Professor Hulk has to chase both down across the Delta. There's something to this concept, and whilst a misstep, Man-Thing is at least an attempt to get a more obscure character onto the big screen.

Ultimate Alliance Annihilation - Prelude I

The chromed gleam of Ulysses' iconic skull helmet was reflected in the view window of the bathyspheroid as he gazed out onto the edge of a nearby universe. A relic of an adventure long-past, the bathyspheroid was a unique, alchemically-powered machine that enabled a small crew to "dive" through multiversal boundaries and peer into a reality without entering it fully. The size of an average caravan, with only a kitchenette and marine style bathroom, the bathyspheroid was designed for two people at most, but today, five were standing in it's brass-heavy, but tastefully understated interior, taking in the sight through the view window. Made of a section of a massive, flawless diamond, the technology of the bathyspheroid placed a molecules-thick sliver of the window into the "target" reality, allowing observation and only risking being spotted by those with microscopic vision. 

Joining Ulysses on the bathyspheriod was a small collection of his most loyal advisors, drawn from both his Hussars and Cataphractii; he had brought them here to witness the beginning of the end. Though most realities were finite in nature, few had an edge or boundary in the way most imagined it, the current example of "The Crunch" being a typical example; a scar of energy across empty space where another universe pushed into this one. Built around this event horizon was The Kyln, an impossibly ancient and cyclopean structure of unknown origin and purpose, currently used as combination power generator and prison for the inhabitants of the Andromeda galaxy. Ulysses raised one hand, palm up, his suit generating a holographic display buzzing with information and analytics, but dominated by a countdown, implying that something was only minutes away from beginning.

At a verbal command from Ulysses, a retrofitted databank began to record the scene outside the view window. The mood inside the bathyspheriod shifted from tense anticipation to muted horror as the Kyln was ripped apart by an explosion the size of a solar system. Though sound did not travel through the vacuum of space, the view window vibrated slightly as the reality they watched trembled, almost as in anticipation, or revulsion. Even at the cosmic distance Ulysses and his companions were from the Crunch, they could see the change that came over it as something ripped through from another reality. The amorphous blob of sickly green that pushed through the multiversal boundary slowly resolved as it spread into the invaded reality, revealing billions of living ships, devouring all in their path. 

"It comes, and there is no escape," Ulysses broke the silence, "he has come, the Living Death That Walks. Annihilus is here." 
 

Superhero Media: Dragonball Z - Cooler's Revenge

Much like Lord Slug, Cooler's Revenge feels like a reworking of a previous story arc, in this case, the Freiza Saga. After discovering that his brother, Freiza, was killed by an unknown sayian survivor, Cooler and his minions decide to enact revenge and prove who is the stronger Cold sibling. Right, so can I just use this space to talk about the Cold family? I mean, the film is fine, better than I remembered, but not one of the truly great ones, and kind of just plays out like a low-end DBZ adventure. So, we know of Lord Chilled, King Cold, Freiza and Cooler, throw Frost in there if you like, though he's not technically related, but just what kind of species are they and where do they come from? There are a few explanations in extended DBZ media, as well some nice fan theories, though I tend towards the version from Dragon Ball Multiverse, which likens the lineage to the Frost Giants of Norse myth. In the DBM version, the species is small, only ever a few individuals, functionally immortal and asexual; reproducing only when they choose to. 

The "fourth form" that Freiza reveals back on Namek is to be considered the species' (from here, I'll be referring to them as "Frost", which is used in a few places) "natural" form, from most sources, with the newer translation of Cooler's Revenge I watched claiming that the larger, armoured form into which he transforms is even higher than that. Though DBZ is pretty light-on with details, this seems to be borne out later by Freiza's Golden Form, achieved through the very training Cooler seems to favour more than his brother. So then, why didn't Chilled transform when fighting Bardock or King Cold when fighting Trunks? Theoretically, both had the option. My personal take is that both were simply overwhelmed in the moment, the flexibility of time in DBZ is a well-known issue, but transformation seems to take at least a minute or two, and Trunks and Bardock are some of the more aggressive fighters in the series, going for a fast victory rather than a test of strength. 

On that note, I don't agree with the concept, proposed by DB Multiverse, that King Cold is far more powerful than either Freiza or Cooler, if the Frost bread stronger each generation, it would not only explain how King Cold was easily beaten, but also why there are only so many of them. It's not good practice to foster your own downfall when you're in the empire building game, after all. Back in my DBZ fan fiction writing days (don't ask), I had a character that was an altruistic member of the Frost, but he was visually pretty much Cooler, as the look, especially of the armoured form, is pretty neat, certainly one of the better DB monster designs, it's a shame he never really turns up in the same form again. If you're looking for a major antagonist for a space-faring supers campaign, the Frost are powerful, mutable and have a great deal of visual style, not to mention a disposable army for the heroes to fight through. Cooler's Revenge, however, probably isn't necessary viewing for most.

Thinking Out Loud: The Ditko Effect

More and more I've noticed that Steve Ditko's name is on a lot of films and television, especially those put out by Marvel. Mostly this takes the form of little credits like "Spider-Man created by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko", and mostly this is a good thing, with many creators having been denied credit for their work in the past; even if they're dead, like Ditko, they deserve to be known for what they did. There is something about Steve Ditko getting more and more press however, that gets my hackles up. Firstly, I love Ditko's work, I have plenty of Silver Age Spider-Man, The Question and Doctor Strange in my collection and have even tracked down some Mr A here and there, so I'm not knocking his contribution to the medium or saying he's not entitled to the posthumous accolades he's been belatedly awarded. What I'm having more and more issue with, is the Dikto apologists and the impact, deliberate or no, that they are having on the discourse around superheroes. Sorry, this is another politics one, see most of you next week. 

That Steve Ditko was an Objectivist is no secret, and should not shock anyone with more than a passing knowledge of Comics history. For the uninitiated, Objectivism is sect of hardcore, right-wing, Libertarian thought, pioneered by the terrible novels of Ayn Rand and still a popular school of "thought" among conservatives. Put briefly, Objectivism posits that the bulk of human society should support the work of the extraordinary individuals among us and place no restrictions on their unbridled genius. Not a terrible idea on the surface, but if you dig down you find that every proponent of this idea thinks they're the special ones, and we have enough trouble with keeping the powerful to any ethical code already. Yes, I'm pretty far astray from Objectivism on the political spectrum, so call this sour grapes if you will, but touting Ditko's genius without also pointing out the unfortunate elements of his thinking can be pretty dangerous. You see, whilst Objectivist thinking isn't inherently bigoted, it is very attractive to those looking to justify their already racist/sexist/homophobic/transphobic/bigoted worldview. 

Was Ditko himself a bigoted person? Well, the evidence is mixed there, and a lot of publications offer contrary opinions, but at best, he was difficult to work and live with, often treating people around him, especially fans of his, poorly. Ditko's beliefs, however, are pretty plain to see in a lot of his work, from unbridled scientific research in Spider-Man through to The Question literally vanquishing opponents with his righteous dedication to the truth. Yes, in Silver Age issues of The Question, he "eviscerates" his foes with "facts and logic". To my mind, if these works were allowed to stand on their own, there wouldn't be too much of an issue, as I trust readers to be discerning and only a handful of morons will get their philosophical and political beliefs from superhero comics. Due to Ditko's legendary status in the industry, however, a comment on an online forum or in a crowded comic store along the lines of "I love classic Doctor Strange comics, but Ditko's politics kind of grate after a while", is an invitation to be dog-piled. 

So what am I asking for here? Basically, I'd like us to treat Steve Ditko the same way we started treating Stan Lee before his death; like a human with flaws. Lee has copped a lot of blame, some of it fair, for the way many artists and writers had credit stolen from their work in the Silver Age by publishers and he had to account for that publicly and professionally. As Ditko never really chased the spotlight, he didn't have that same period of accountability for his less admirable traits, and since his death, people, especially fans, don't wish to speak ill of a great talent. All I'm asking is, can we admit that Ditko had some toxic beliefs? Don't throw away his comics, don't stop reading his work and don't stop showing it to the next generations of fans, but as you do so, point out what's wrong and why. Hell, I like to assume we're already doing that with some of racism, sexism and other assorted bigotry of classic comics, so just add in something about "Ayn Rand was a moron, don't take this seriously" as you go. Oh, and read some Mr A, it's a fucking trip.