Danton - Part VI

At last! The final installment of this nonsense! I promise that I won't be revisiting any of my ideas from high school again soon, even the "good" ones that still exist in my broader Equalisers setting somewhere. Honestly, I only really wanted to preserve this for some kind of posterity and this blog is just obscure enough to suit my purposes there. So here we go, Danton, for the last time anywhere.

Danton - Lord of the Ring

After establishing democracy in France, Doctor Strange has retired and Schama has retreated to his empire in Russia. One day, Zorro comes to Doctor Strange and presents him with the One Ring. Doctor Strange realises what it is and collects a group of warriors to take it to Mount Vesuvius and destroy it. Zorro, Link, Dr Colossus, Mister Staypuff and Dobbie depart from Paris among much fanfare and travel for days before remembering that they could just used the Chronosphere. Returning to Paris, the fellowship find that the Chronosphere compound is occupied by a team of all-star terrorists from Canada known as "The Furious Maple Leaf".


...and that's where it all ends, mid-adventure. I'm not sure when and why I left off, but I have to guess I was either too busy or just got sick of the whole enterprise. In retrospect, it was all pretty stupid and whilst I remember having fun with it, the fact that I never really did anything with it was probably for the best. Hopefully, this has been at least a fun diversion for a few entries and we can get back to our normal nonsense.

Superhero Media: Hellboy (2019)

I'm assuming at this point that no one needs me to tell them that the 2019 Hellboy reboot is a bad film. The script is poor, the CGI is somehow worse than the previous films, the sound mixing is so bad I couldn't make out the dialogue half the time, and it tries way too hard to set up a franchise. However, if Hellboy was just a bad film hijacking the goodwill of two previous films with the same characters to try and launch a cinematic universe, that would, like The Mummy, be the end of the story. Like many "bad" films I cover on this blog, Hellboy has enough in it to make it a worthwhile watch, even if the overall effect is a negative one. For the wargamer, superhero or otherwise, there is plenty of great stuff, from a WWII sequence featuring Lobster Johnson and British Wizards, through to Hellboy and Ben Damiyo (in wereleopard form) taking on a Celtic Troll with pig features. Modern incarnations of the Knights of the Round table are always pretty fun, probably one of the parts of Hellsing I enjoyed most, and Hellboy has them mounting up to hunt giants with electrified lances. Awesome. 

Seriously, the Great Hunt segment is pretty brilliant and over far too quickly when all is said and done, I'll certainly be running with that idea at some point, possibly for a display game. I've said before that superheroes need to fight more giant foes more in cinema, and whilst the poor CGI makes the fight hard to follow, I'll take what I can get. Also vampire Luchidoro. He's not there for long, but that's another cool idea to use somewhere else. And there lies the major issue with the script of Hellboy, it never sits still long enough to enjoy the clever moments that are there. David Harbor is fine in the role, but almost everything I know about the character is drawn from prior knowledge, rather than being informed by the film, as it should be. There is plenty or lore about Hellboy and the villain, Morgan le Fey, revealed in extended exposition sequences, but I never really learn who they are, in contrast to what. It's just bad film-making and is a real shame in the light of having had two excellent Hellboy films previously. 

Another point of contention that I, personally, have with Hellboy is that it has an "R" rating, but fails to do anything interesting with those expanded limits. Swearing and drinking more certainly grounds Hellboy, but the added violence is mostly grotesque, especially a sequence in the third act which seems more ripped from Attack on Titan than the Dark Horse comics. There are plenty of aspects of the comics present, but without having a solid tone or bothering to explain who Hellboy and the BPRD are, and their roles, it's just a series of Easter Eggs for a franchise that will never arrive. What Hellboy reminds me of most is an odd combination of Catwoman and The Mummy. The Dark Universe connection is obvious, with a failed Cinematic Universe effort filled with references to films that will never happen. The connection to Catwoman, however, is that Hellboy is just pretty bad, and even the good ideas in it may be lost if we don't dig through it and use them somewhere else. So throw a horseback giant hunt, vampire wrestler or ghost Pulp Hero into your next game[s], at least it should be more fun than this film.

Crafting a Hellboy Cinematic Universe

In another episode of the strange places my brain likes to go when I'm tired and bored, I struck upon the idea of building a "Cinematic Universe" where there previously was none. This isn't a new idea, look up the "Val Verde Cinematic Universe" if you're keen for some hardcore film-nerding, but why bother doing this at all, other than boredom? Well, for the same reasons I tend to run superhero RPGs in either my homebrew "Equalisers" setting or the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Building the Equalisers setting took a long time, a great deal of effort and plenty of false-starts and retcons. I love my little homebrew setting, with its growing multiverse and generations of heroes and villains, but now it's getting to the point where if I want anyone to come play in my sandbox, I have to give them a heck of a lot of reading and even talk about the bits that only exist in my head. When I, instead, decided to run my MI-13 game in the MCU, all I had to do was say what film was our starting place, and we were in business. Of course, the ubiquity of the MCU was of great help there, but this isn't the only case where I've used multimedia to "prime" players for a game. 

One of my favourite roleplaying games is White Wolf's Hunter: The Reckoning, an oft-maligned side game in the World of Darkness setting, I love the struggle of humanity against much more powerful foes that already run the world behind the scenes. Unlike other World of Darkness games like Vampire, there isn't a great deal of popular media that informs Hunter, so I had to find some for myself. Getting players to read an entire book about their character's "Creed" is not always an easy task, but telling a potential Martyr to watch Fallen? Easy in. For me, unless my player group are all big comic nerds, choosing to set a Marvel game in the MCU is pretty easy, and if I were inclined to do a DC game, I'd be looking at the animated "Timmverse" for my setting. However, what if I want to go a little bit darker? Look, I like Hellboy comics, but their episodic and mood-focused nature means that there isn't a great deal of character development, something I live for in my media. That's why I'm such a fan of the films, they take the unique aesthetic and build more rounded characters to populate the world, and it's a shame that we never got more in the same series. But could there be more films out there that fit the setting? Is there an undiscovered "Hellboy Cinematic Universe"? 

Ok, first two are easy, Hellboy and Hellboy II The Golden Army form the core of our franchise, introducing that the setting is open to all sorts of fun stuff like Pulp Nazis, magic, hell, heaven, Lovecraft mythos, fae, super-science, ghosts, cryptids, psychic powers and more. Throwing in some of Guillermo del Toro's other works, like Pan's Labyrinth and The Shape of Water is pretty easy, with fae being established already and surely the FBI (or whoever) are jealous enough of the BPRD to capture their own version of Abe Sapien. Now let's have some fun with an obscure Michael Mann gem from 1983, The Keep; in which Nazi soldiers accidentally awaken an ancient monster hidden in cyclopian architecture. Keeping on that theme, Dagon (2001) is patchy in quality, but is one of the better adaptations of the Lovecraft mythos with a modern twist. There aren't a lot of great fae films out there, but doesn't Firestarter (1984) read like an origin for Liz Sherman? Sure, it's not a brilliant film, but might be worth a look anyway. Last one is another obscure gem, Below (2002) features a WWII submarine crew dealing with a haunting and the paranoia that an enclosed space can bring. 

Is this an exhaustive list? Hell no. For starters, there were animated shorts that came out with the Hellboy film and used the same actors for the voices, but how about viewing Nicholas and Alexandra (1971) as an origin film for Rasputin, especially with the brilliant performance of Tom Baker as the Mad Monk. At a certain point, presenting your players with a stack of DVDs is going to be just as daunting as a stack of books, but having a grounding to work from can really help, and is a great excuse to check out new films and television. I also run the Doctor Who RPG and there's so much content there that I know I'll never get through it all, so why not chuck a few extra films at your players? I still wish there was more Hellboy, but when I watch The Keep and Below and wonder what else could have been, it dulls that want a little. Just the exercise of seeing how unrelated media can fit together can be fun as well, looking for connective tissue, characters and even actors that cross over if you squint at it just right.

Superhero Media: Hellboy II The Golden Army

I love Hellboy II, perhaps even more than the original. Yes, the tone lightens somewhat and there's more comedy, but heaven forbid that superhero films be fun to watch, right? Following on from the first film, the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense is continuing to operate as normal, though Hellboy is trying harder and harder to breach the veil of secrecy and engage with the human world. In this, Hellboy his repeatedly clashing with Special Agent Manning, with whom Abe Sapien has developed a rapport, but the real strain is on Hellboy's relationship with Liz Sherman. Meanwhile, the exiled Fae prince Nuada is closing in on the missing pieces of the clockwork crown that will enable him to raise the Golden Army and wage war on the human world. Whereas Hellboy featured Pulp Nazis and Eldritch Horror, Hellboy II dips into Celtic myth and changeling lore, which can be a little jarring for those expecting more of the same, but gives Del Toro and crew plenty of opportunity for some great creative work. 

Sequences like the Troll Market and the Seelie Court show off what a great team can do with a mix of practical effects and CGI and why the best results come from using both. Del Toro definitely brought the chops his team grew on Pan's Labyrinth and blew it up with all the colour and flair that the superhero genre allowed. The White Wolf World of Darkness game, Changeling: The Dreaming, about fae, looks to be, on the surface, the most hopeful and light in the setting, but on closer examination, is about the slow but certain death of dreams an imagination. Shades of that tragic tone are woven into Hellboy II, with every move that the BPRD makes against Nuada resulting in something magnificent being lost for all time; the Forest God fight makes me want to pick up an Age of Sigmar Treelord Ancient model to battle my new Hellboy stuff at some stage. Add in Johann Krauss, one of my favourite characters from the comics, voiced by Family Guy creator Seth McFarlane, and Hellboy II is a joy to watch. 

When I read criticisms of Hellboy II that aren't "it's not the original" (seriously?), they tend to relate to the tone, which, I'll admit, can feel a little muddled. Hellboy and "His Death" draw heavily on Christian myth, clashing somewhat with the Fae and Celtic elements, but Hellboy and his world have always been a bricolage of themes, which is part of why it's so unique and interesting. The set-up for the third film which never came makes me wistful every time I see it, wondering what could have been and how Liz's choice would have come to haunt her. The real shame is that there is really no series like Hellboy around anymore, sub-par reboot notwithstanding, the design, characters and world are utterly unique and bring something to the genre that Marvel and DC don't. Yes, I think Del Toro and Mignola need to come back to the series, maybe not do a "Hellboy III", but there is plenty of room to explore the setting, be it through the B.P.R.D. or even other characters like The Visitor or Ben Daimo. I really hope this isn't the last we see of this fantastic world.

Superhero Media: Hellboy (2004)

For a reasonably obscure comic that typically has little in the way of plot, Hellboy made one hell of a film. A collaboration between Mike Mignola and Guillermo del Toro, Hellboy may well be simultaneously the most faithful adaptation of an existing comic book series and one of the most revisionist. For those who haven't ready much Hellboy or B.P.R.D., the comics tend to be very narrative-light, more focused on ideas and the visuals Mignola wanted to realise; and there's nothing wrong with them or that approach, but it wouldn't translate well to film. What del Toro and Mignola do is take the bones of what works in the comics and fill in the connecting tissue to get a whole world on-screen. Of course, I fucking love Hellboy. From the opening with leather-clad Nazi Science Wizards fighting US Soldiers through to Hellboy getting swallowed by a mythos monster, the film almost doesn't miss a beat. I remember when Hellboy came out, I was in the last year of High School and was the only one of my friends interested in seeing the film before it came out, but this was 2004 and we didn't have the luxury of streaming, so we all saw it on the school holidays and soon I was inundated with questions about who Hellboy was and where to find Dark Horse comics. 

For me, Hellboy demonstrates the "Golden Ratio" of superhero (but also Kaiju and other nice genres) film adaptations, in that the, utterly absurd, premise is played completely straight, but the characters within the world of the film react naturally. Agent John Myers is flabbergasted by real-life monsters, as many would be, but for those working with Hellboy and Abe-Sapien long enough, it is as bland as any workplace, with Special Agent Tom Manning sounding for all the world like a frustrated HR Director. Ron Perlman is brilliant as Hellboy, swaggering in the larger-than-life role, complete with winking one-liners and embodying the "heroic man-child" archetype. Perlman perfectly delivers lines like "I'm not a very good shot... but the Samaritan here uses really big bullets" like he just stepped out of a comic panel. Despite the fact that Mignola often dismisses his own work as "...just want[ed] to draw monsters", there is a subtle genius to the embrace of pulp tropes along with classic monster movies, fairy tales and Lovecraftian Cosmic Horror; that this translated to a film as good as Hellboy is a testament to del Toro's skill and the crew he brought together. 

Keep in mind, the popular superhero film series of the era in which Hellboy was made were Blade, X-Men and Spider-Man, all from the pages of Marvel Comics, and two of which were stripped-down versions without much of the inherent silliness of their series. Bringing to the big screen an adaptation of a cult Indy comic with barely any plot, featuring a team of Monsters fighting Nazi Wizards led by Grigori Yefimovich Rasputin, who is trying to summon an Elder God right out of Call of Cthulhu, was pure madness, but it worked. Not only did this mad premise come together, but the film was made with practical effects wherever possible, so it still looks great more than a decade later, the cast is brilliant and the only misstep on the soundtrack was not using the original, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, version of "Red Right Hand". Hellboy is a film to treasure, and not just because the remake is so poor, but because a director and writer getting to put together such a personal project, on their own terms, and to have it come together so well, is pretty rare. This film made me want to start "Weird World War II" gaming, Pulp games and even Cosmic Horror. Hellboy was one of the first Indy Comics characters I painted in miniature and was in my first big Ultimate Alliance game. I will never stop loving this film.

Thinking Out Loud: Big Hero 6 Versus the 7 Guns

I really should get around to doing a "Superhero Media" on Black Summer, but for those who don't know, it's an indy graphic novel written by Warren Ellis, in which a cadre of university students develop technology to give them the super powers they need to strike back at the corrupt private police force who have a strangle-hold on their city. In Big Hero 6, a cadre of university students develop their experimental technology into superhero suits to avenge the death of their friend. Chicken and egg time, is Big Hero 6 the family-friendly Black Summer or is Black Summer the gritty and brutal Big Hero 6? Well, neither, really, as the two only have superficial commonalities, but it's kind of fun to compare and contrast the two works. For my money, Big Hero 6 is the better effort, if only because Black Summer was written as a response to the Bush Administration's handling of the War on Terror, so is pretty ranty and agenda-driven in sections. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Ellis is better when working for a big studio, where he has some editorial oversight. 

The core concept of both works, that super powers aren't given, but are made through ingenuity and research, is one that I really like, and feel could really have legs in your own narrative, be it miniatures or an RPG. More and more school-leavers are moving into tertiary education and, in my personal experience, most roleplayers are the kind to have at least dropped out of university, if not wasted too many years on postgraduate qualifications like myself, so a game where the players start as students would have plenty of near-universal themes. This idea is a great way to introduce powers to a setting that previously didn't have them as well, as I've met a few people for whom this mechanical detail, which I tend to find rather trivial, is hugely important in designing an original setting. For a more collaborative approach, literally having the players in the group set what the technology level is and how powers work through their original characters lets people be the arbiters on their own limits. Got that one killjoy in your group who insists that one particular thing never works? Make him happy by setting that limit in the technology from the get-go. 

The options for tone in this approach should be pretty obvious, if only due to the two works I've chosen to demonstrate it. Yes, Big Hero 6 is probably a little twee and light-hearted for most wargamers and roleplayers, but I'd argue that Black Summer is probably a bit too grimdark for the kind of game I'd really want to play. The "society is so bad we need to take up arms and kill cops for justice" concept has some potential, and whilst I could see running it from an ANTIFA angle, I'd be worried that it would be like running a Vampire: The Masquerade game where the group loses sight of the intended point and just starts reveling in murder and mayhem. A balance between the kind of youthful optimism that drives you into postgrad study and the brutal reality that makes otherwise sane young people develop super-suits is pretty much were I'd want this to sit. I have no plans for any games along this line anytime in the near future, but if you decide to give it a go, please let me know, chuck a link in the comments or whatever.

From the Archives - 4

A decade ago, I ran a blog where I reviewed media pretty exclusively. You can't find it now, but one of the articles I thought it'd be fun to revisit would be "Top 10 Superhero Movie Fights", especially considering that I wrote it in 2011 before even The Avengers was released. Down the track I'll do an updated one, but for now enjoy my old, clunky writing style: 

So, I wanted to do something a bit different and flex my film studies/comic book nerd credentials a bit and steal Empire's shtick. I should point out that the list below is by no means comprehensive; believe it or not, I've never actually seen Superman II or the David Hasselhoff Nick Fury film. However, I do feel that the list is fair, the spread of films is broad and so is the scope of the given scenes. 
But what makes a good Superhero fight? To understand this, we need to look at classic fight scenes from comics; Batman versus Superman in The Dark Knight Returns, Quicksilver in any part of The Ultimates 2 or Spiderman versus the Green Goblin in "The Day Gwen Stacy Died". What all these have in common is the real "wow" factor that comes with superhuman foes belting the crap out of each other. In a martial arts film, a "good" fight scene is on that is technically competent from the standpoint of someone examining the fight with a trained expert's eye. The Superhero genre bucks this convention, deliberately giving the audience a fight impossible to replicate in the real world. Though it may sound like an action film in this respect, the gaudy nature of the superhero creates a different experience, as will be demonstrated below. 
I know as I write this that there will be at least one complaint about this list; the lack of a DC Animated Universe film. It's not that the films are bad (Justice League: New Frontier is probably the only good Justice League film that will ever be made), it's just that they lack a truly "wow" worthy fight scene. Batman versus the Red Hood is a fun fight, but there's nothing to it that cannot be found in Police Story or The Game of Death. 
Also, as the next two years will see the release of Thor, Green Lantern, The First Avenger: Captain America, The Avengers, X-Men: First Class and the next Nolan Batman sequel as well as reboots of the Spiderman and Fantastic Four franchises. If I'm still doing this in 2013, I'll update this list, but for now, it'll have to do. So onwards, true believers! 

Top 10 Superhero Movie Fights 

10. Gordon vs The Joker (The Dark Knight - 2008)

The only inclusion of Nolan's take on Batman, it may surprise you to see this so low on the countdown, but there's a simple reason behind this; The Dark Knight, although an excellent film, is not a superhero film. What? Yes. The Dark Knight is a crime film and this is evidenced by the fact that the best fight scene in the film isn't about how awesome Batman is, but how awesome Jim Gordon is. Also more of a car chase, when Dent is offered as bait to capture the Joker, the fight is carried by Gordon all the way. Think of this as the Batman equivalent to Yoda breaking out the lightsabre in Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones, you always suspected he was a badass, this is just conformation. From "I hope you got some moves pal" to "We got ya", Jim Gordon romps this in and shows us what he's really capable of.


9. Spiderman vs Doctor Octopus (Spiderman 2 - 2004) 

 
Specifically the one on the train, in-between when the pair lands on the tracks and when Doc Ock smugly utters "You have a train to catch". Perhaps a little CG heavy, but having two of Marvel's most iconic characters duke it out on the side of a train makes for one hell of a fight. Bouncing around, over, under and through the train during the battle, this scene perfectly captures the feel of a Spiderman comic. Pity this franchise blew so hard, there's a few more good fights in the trilogy, this is just the best one. 


8. Matt vs Elektra (Daredevil - 2003) 

 
Not the tragic lovers' battle in the third act of the film, but the (literally) violent flirtation between the characters in the playground at the beginning of their romantic arc. If you're wondering how on Earth I could rate anything from this film higher than anything from The Dark Knight, stop reading now, there's worse to come. Hey, bad films can have good moments in them and here's proof. This fight is fun, well choreographed and adds to the plot, which puts it a cut above most on-screen fights already. If you're still not convinced, Youtube this and watch it without the context of Daredevil to drag it down. Note to Christopher Nolan: this is what the Batman/Catwoman arc should resemble. 


7. The Punisher vs The Russian (The Punisher - 2004) 

 
Never mind that The Punisher was unfairly ignored by the public, or badly edited to remove most of the plot, or made on a budget that would have the BBC drama department making fun of them (obscure joke, I know), the film is the best translation of Marvel's Skull-shirted vigilante to the big screen that has ever been made. The proof of the pudding is in the scene where Frank and a mysterious assailant, known only as "The Russian" go toe-to-toe while "La Donne Mobile" plays loudly in the background. This scene is darkly hilarious, combining the brutality of a barroom brawl with the comic timing of vaudeville. Thomas Jane's acting really shines here as well, the looks on his face as he scrambles away from grenades, has his guns destroyed and gets his head slammed in a fridge door are both funny and nauseating. This fight also features the only stunt Jane was not initially allowed to do, getting thrown through a plaster wall, and when The Russian picks him up off the hallway floor, there is a hasty cut as the crew patch up Jane's actually bloody nose. Excelsior! 


6. Blade vs Nomak (Blade II - 2002) 

 
What? Another kinda-crummy hero romp? Yeah. Ok, so the Blade series is lackluster at best, but this brawl is fantastic. Blade is clearly a trained fighter and his choreography matches this, whilst Nomak is a brawler relying on his superior strength and agility to win the day. If there's one thing Del Toro can direct, it's two big guys wailing on each other in a visually pleasing way. Highlights of this fight include the world's biggest "People's Elbow", a bone crunching arm-regeneration and Blade keeping his sunglasses on in a display that would make David Caruso jealous. As with Daredevil, watch this again without the rest of the film to colour it. Actually, that comment is unfair to Kris Kristofferson, who makes the best of these terrible films with some great one-liners. 


5. Nightcrawler vs The Secret Service (X2 - 2003) 

 
The dramatic opening of X2 sees Kurt Wagner using his teleport ability to circumvent Whitehouse security and threaten the life of the American President. Whilst this scene is cool, and arguably one of the best in the X-Men Film Franchise, it's not getting any higher than this because the fight is too one-sided. Nightcrawler (rightly) makes mincemeat (figuratively) out of the Secret Service, whilst this is great to watch, it's really more of an effects sequence in the end. 


4. Dash vs Syndrome Goons (The Incredibles - 2004) 

 
Brad Bird and Pixar's Superhero pastiche/tribute masterpiece is, in my opinion, the best Superhero film produced to date. To explain this would take up as much space as the whole of this review, so I'll just enter this scene into evidence. In escaping Syndrome's goons, young Dash truly gets to experiment with his powers for the first time, running on water and out-maneuvering flying blade thingys with a child's delight in a wonderfully presented scene. I'm going to go watch this again. 


3. BPRD vs The Golden Army (Hellboy 2: The Golden Army - 2008) 

It's a shame that there haven't been many good Hero Team films, but this (almost) climatic battle between Hellboy and his BPRD team against an army of "industrable" clockwork robots demonstrates how a team of heroes can have a fight where they all get to do something and don't break out of character (I'm looking at you Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer). The Hellboy films are underrated gems and this fight demonstrates what I mentioned above, that being Del Toro's keen eye for an action sequence. "Industrable my ass." 


2. Hulk vs Blonsky (The Incredible Hulk - 2008) 

 
Much maligned, but rarely actually watched, the Hulk reboot featuring Edward Norton does a pretty good job of telling a Hulk story on the big screen. The drawcard fight in this film is the Hulk/Abomination 32 minute brawl at the end of the film, but the real gem is much earlier. Hopped up on Super Soldier Serum and Gamma radiation, Emil Blosky (still in Tim Roth form) goes toe to toe with the Hulk and holds his ground for a few minutes. This fight is fluid, dynamic and a lot of fun, exactly what Superhero movie fights should be. 


1. Iron Man and War Machine vs Hammerroids (Iron Man 2 - 2010) 

 
Aww yeah! If two guys in high-tech battle armour blasting away at a horde of robots whist cracking one-liners isn't your idea of fun, then what are you doing watching superhero films? Tony and Rhody cut loose on out of control robots with enough explosions to make Micheal Bay need to change pants. Maybe it lacks the visual poetry of Bruce Lee versus Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in The Game of Death, this scene culminates the expectations of film-goers everywhere who want to see Iron Man kick butt in a visually interesting way. Citizen Kane this is not, but it's damn good for what it is.