Announcement: Victorius 2025

Sorry to interrupt the flow, but as many of my Australian readers may already know, I will be at Victorius 2025 next weekend in Box Hill. 

There, as well as being generally helpful, I will be demonstrating the miniatures game I am writing, Nocturnal, which I have mentioned here from time to time, it's a gang skirmish game based on popular urban Vampire media. Think Blade, Underworld, The Lost Boys, Vampire the Masquerade, etc. If you can make it, keep an eye out for the stunning promotional artwork done by my friend Nim; 

I'll be running quick, 2-3 turn demo games for most of the day, so come by and say hello if you want to try it out. I will likely be covering a little more on Nocturnal here in the future, but this won't be becoming a blog about the game; I'll be doing other socials around it as things get closer to being finished. 

Danton - Part II

When last we left off this juvenile screed of pop-culture miscenallia that I wrote one fateful week in the last year of high school, I was wondering why I bothered to keep these scraps of loose leaf for almost two decades. And I'm still wondering. But at least I'm getting this down and I'm finding that cathartic.

Danton 2: Stone Cold

After the events portrayed in Danton, Dracula has been able to rebuild Paris, but the rest of France has descended into chaos, leaving Paris as a city-state. Simon Schama travels back in time and raises an army of mercenaries to conquer France under his sovereign dictatorship. Robespierre returns after becoming the new evil ruler of Otherworld and incites the Parisians to rebellion against Dracula's rule.

Dracula turns to the Justice League for help, joining them for a time. The Last Ninja returns to finally avenge his brothers against Robespierre and allies himself with Dracula and the Justice League. Doctor Strange joins with a coalition of demons to resurrect Danton's soul into a robotic body, christening him "Robo-Danton". Doctor Strange and Robo-Danton travel to fight a guerilla war against Schama and his Battle-Toad bodyguards. After a pitched battle, Schama and Robo-Danton fight in single combat while Doctor Strange raises Schama's fortress to the ground. Robo-Danton realises that he cannot defeat Schama whist he wears his battle-armour, so self-destructs, destroying the armour, though Schama survives the attack.

Meanwhile, the justice League put down the rebellion, forcing Robespierre to retreat to Otherworld, only to discover that Zombie Jesus has raised an army of undead and is now conquering the West coast of France.

From the Archives - 4

A decade ago, I ran a blog where I reviewed media pretty exclusively. You can't find it now, but one of the articles I thought it'd be fun to revisit would be "Top 10 Superhero Movie Fights", especially considering that I wrote it in 2011 before even The Avengers was released. Down the track I'll do an updated one, but for now enjoy my old, clunky writing style: 

So, I wanted to do something a bit different and flex my film studies/comic book nerd credentials a bit and steal Empire's shtick. I should point out that the list below is by no means comprehensive; believe it or not, I've never actually seen Superman II or the David Hasselhoff Nick Fury film. However, I do feel that the list is fair, the spread of films is broad and so is the scope of the given scenes. 
But what makes a good Superhero fight? To understand this, we need to look at classic fight scenes from comics; Batman versus Superman in The Dark Knight Returns, Quicksilver in any part of The Ultimates 2 or Spiderman versus the Green Goblin in "The Day Gwen Stacy Died". What all these have in common is the real "wow" factor that comes with superhuman foes belting the crap out of each other. In a martial arts film, a "good" fight scene is on that is technically competent from the standpoint of someone examining the fight with a trained expert's eye. The Superhero genre bucks this convention, deliberately giving the audience a fight impossible to replicate in the real world. Though it may sound like an action film in this respect, the gaudy nature of the superhero creates a different experience, as will be demonstrated below. 
I know as I write this that there will be at least one complaint about this list; the lack of a DC Animated Universe film. It's not that the films are bad (Justice League: New Frontier is probably the only good Justice League film that will ever be made), it's just that they lack a truly "wow" worthy fight scene. Batman versus the Red Hood is a fun fight, but there's nothing to it that cannot be found in Police Story or The Game of Death. 
Also, as the next two years will see the release of Thor, Green Lantern, The First Avenger: Captain America, The Avengers, X-Men: First Class and the next Nolan Batman sequel as well as reboots of the Spiderman and Fantastic Four franchises. If I'm still doing this in 2013, I'll update this list, but for now, it'll have to do. So onwards, true believers! 

Top 10 Superhero Movie Fights 

10. Gordon vs The Joker (The Dark Knight - 2008)

The only inclusion of Nolan's take on Batman, it may surprise you to see this so low on the countdown, but there's a simple reason behind this; The Dark Knight, although an excellent film, is not a superhero film. What? Yes. The Dark Knight is a crime film and this is evidenced by the fact that the best fight scene in the film isn't about how awesome Batman is, but how awesome Jim Gordon is. Also more of a car chase, when Dent is offered as bait to capture the Joker, the fight is carried by Gordon all the way. Think of this as the Batman equivalent to Yoda breaking out the lightsabre in Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones, you always suspected he was a badass, this is just conformation. From "I hope you got some moves pal" to "We got ya", Jim Gordon romps this in and shows us what he's really capable of.


9. Spiderman vs Doctor Octopus (Spiderman 2 - 2004) 

 
Specifically the one on the train, in-between when the pair lands on the tracks and when Doc Ock smugly utters "You have a train to catch". Perhaps a little CG heavy, but having two of Marvel's most iconic characters duke it out on the side of a train makes for one hell of a fight. Bouncing around, over, under and through the train during the battle, this scene perfectly captures the feel of a Spiderman comic. Pity this franchise blew so hard, there's a few more good fights in the trilogy, this is just the best one. 


8. Matt vs Elektra (Daredevil - 2003) 

 
Not the tragic lovers' battle in the third act of the film, but the (literally) violent flirtation between the characters in the playground at the beginning of their romantic arc. If you're wondering how on Earth I could rate anything from this film higher than anything from The Dark Knight, stop reading now, there's worse to come. Hey, bad films can have good moments in them and here's proof. This fight is fun, well choreographed and adds to the plot, which puts it a cut above most on-screen fights already. If you're still not convinced, Youtube this and watch it without the context of Daredevil to drag it down. Note to Christopher Nolan: this is what the Batman/Catwoman arc should resemble. 


7. The Punisher vs The Russian (The Punisher - 2004) 

 
Never mind that The Punisher was unfairly ignored by the public, or badly edited to remove most of the plot, or made on a budget that would have the BBC drama department making fun of them (obscure joke, I know), the film is the best translation of Marvel's Skull-shirted vigilante to the big screen that has ever been made. The proof of the pudding is in the scene where Frank and a mysterious assailant, known only as "The Russian" go toe-to-toe while "La Donne Mobile" plays loudly in the background. This scene is darkly hilarious, combining the brutality of a barroom brawl with the comic timing of vaudeville. Thomas Jane's acting really shines here as well, the looks on his face as he scrambles away from grenades, has his guns destroyed and gets his head slammed in a fridge door are both funny and nauseating. This fight also features the only stunt Jane was not initially allowed to do, getting thrown through a plaster wall, and when The Russian picks him up off the hallway floor, there is a hasty cut as the crew patch up Jane's actually bloody nose. Excelsior! 


6. Blade vs Nomak (Blade II - 2002) 

 
What? Another kinda-crummy hero romp? Yeah. Ok, so the Blade series is lackluster at best, but this brawl is fantastic. Blade is clearly a trained fighter and his choreography matches this, whilst Nomak is a brawler relying on his superior strength and agility to win the day. If there's one thing Del Toro can direct, it's two big guys wailing on each other in a visually pleasing way. Highlights of this fight include the world's biggest "People's Elbow", a bone crunching arm-regeneration and Blade keeping his sunglasses on in a display that would make David Caruso jealous. As with Daredevil, watch this again without the rest of the film to colour it. Actually, that comment is unfair to Kris Kristofferson, who makes the best of these terrible films with some great one-liners. 


5. Nightcrawler vs The Secret Service (X2 - 2003) 

 
The dramatic opening of X2 sees Kurt Wagner using his teleport ability to circumvent Whitehouse security and threaten the life of the American President. Whilst this scene is cool, and arguably one of the best in the X-Men Film Franchise, it's not getting any higher than this because the fight is too one-sided. Nightcrawler (rightly) makes mincemeat (figuratively) out of the Secret Service, whilst this is great to watch, it's really more of an effects sequence in the end. 


4. Dash vs Syndrome Goons (The Incredibles - 2004) 

 
Brad Bird and Pixar's Superhero pastiche/tribute masterpiece is, in my opinion, the best Superhero film produced to date. To explain this would take up as much space as the whole of this review, so I'll just enter this scene into evidence. In escaping Syndrome's goons, young Dash truly gets to experiment with his powers for the first time, running on water and out-maneuvering flying blade thingys with a child's delight in a wonderfully presented scene. I'm going to go watch this again. 


3. BPRD vs The Golden Army (Hellboy 2: The Golden Army - 2008) 

It's a shame that there haven't been many good Hero Team films, but this (almost) climatic battle between Hellboy and his BPRD team against an army of "industrable" clockwork robots demonstrates how a team of heroes can have a fight where they all get to do something and don't break out of character (I'm looking at you Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer). The Hellboy films are underrated gems and this fight demonstrates what I mentioned above, that being Del Toro's keen eye for an action sequence. "Industrable my ass." 


2. Hulk vs Blonsky (The Incredible Hulk - 2008) 

 
Much maligned, but rarely actually watched, the Hulk reboot featuring Edward Norton does a pretty good job of telling a Hulk story on the big screen. The drawcard fight in this film is the Hulk/Abomination 32 minute brawl at the end of the film, but the real gem is much earlier. Hopped up on Super Soldier Serum and Gamma radiation, Emil Blosky (still in Tim Roth form) goes toe to toe with the Hulk and holds his ground for a few minutes. This fight is fluid, dynamic and a lot of fun, exactly what Superhero movie fights should be. 


1. Iron Man and War Machine vs Hammerroids (Iron Man 2 - 2010) 

 
Aww yeah! If two guys in high-tech battle armour blasting away at a horde of robots whist cracking one-liners isn't your idea of fun, then what are you doing watching superhero films? Tony and Rhody cut loose on out of control robots with enough explosions to make Micheal Bay need to change pants. Maybe it lacks the visual poetry of Bruce Lee versus Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in The Game of Death, this scene culminates the expectations of film-goers everywhere who want to see Iron Man kick butt in a visually interesting way. Citizen Kane this is not, but it's damn good for what it is. 

Superhero Media: The Batman Vs Dracula

Most of the discussion I've come across of The Batman animated series is rather down on the entire programme, claiming it to be something of a sub-par take on the character. Now, I haven't seen much more than this film and a smattering of random episodes, but I strongly disagree with that statement. Sure, The Batman isn't as good as Batman the Animated Series, but by that logic, I shouldn't watch any films that aren't Citizen Kane, Seven Samurai or Breathless; The Batman is quite watchable on its own merits, and The Batman Vs Dracula is always a fun watch. The Batman Vs Dracula doesn't bother with any deep-lore diving, everyone knows who Dracula is and it doesn't matter how and why his coffin is in Gotham city, we're just here to see the Dark Knight battle the Son of the Dragon. The action ramps up pretty quick, with The Penguin being dominated into a Renfield role and helping Dracula spread his influence and track down Vicky Vale for a plot to bring Camilla, his bride, back to life. Or Undeath, rather. 

Camilla being Dracula's bride, rather than a lesbian inversion of his power dynamic, is a little odd, but I kind of don't care because Joker is now a Vampire! Kevin Michael Richardson plays Joker in this incarnation, which has more of an acrobat vibe with joke-shop gadgets, both factors diminishing his online reception, though I like Gadgeteer Joker as a contrast to all of Batman's "Wonderful Toys". Just be careful when looking up this version online, as racist rants about how Joker is "supposed to be white" are far too easy to come by. Using Joker as a guinea pig, Batman cures vampirism and sets about turning Gotham's citizenry human again with his serum and garlic-laced Baterangs. Of course, this doesn't work on Dracula himself, so Bats has to lure him towards a giant solar generator, carefully mentioned in Act One, and blast him with pure sunlight. All-in The Batman Vs Dracula runs a tight 80 minutes and is pretty satisfying, if disposable. 

One of the parts I like most about The Batman Vs Dracula (and, I suspect, the reason it's not terribly popular in the broader fandom) is that Batman is kind of out of his depth physically the entire time and has to rely on his cunning and detective skills. I mean, of course Batman can't beat up Dracula, he's freaking Dracula! In Captain Britian and MI:13, it takes Black Knight and the wielder of Excalibur to take Dracula down, of course a deranged orphan with a bat fetish can't take him down with throwing stars shaped like bats. I'm actually reminded of the big Darksied fight from the end of Justice League Unlimited, where Batman can't hurt Darksied, but is skilled enough to give him the runaround until Superman can cut loose. That's the kind of balance of responsibility in battle that makes the Justice League (and similar teams) work, I'd like to see more of it in film, including solo outings; from both DC and Marvel.

Superhero Media: Underworld Evolution

Is it ok to say that I just don't "get" the Underworld films? Is it just about Kate Beckinsale looking good in a corset and latex pants? Is it the "depth" of the lore? Is it the joy of watching something mindless? Please, let me know. The story picks up with Selene and Michael on the run from the remaining Vampires, hoping to get far enough away so that when the ancient Marcus awakens, they aren't caught and killed immediately. Much of the film is told in flashback and exposition, as Selene and Michael learn the true history of the Vampire and Werewolf clans, with both being descended from warring brothers. There's something of the descent of Cain and Abel in that which I'm assuming isn't intended to ape the White Supremacist interpretation, as these films seem to miss "the ruling classes are monsters" aspect of Vampire fiction to begin with. Selene still gets a chance to prove what a special little Mary Sue she is between long sections of exposition detailing Len Wiseman's homebrew setting for his Vampire: The Masquerade game. 

Yeah, I kind of lost patience with this one, the constant exposition was a bit much, especially because a lot of great British actors I really enjoy have to spout it from scene to scene. Seriously, how much money was thrown at Tony Curran, Bill Nighy, Steven Mackintosh and Derek Jacobi to get them to say shit like "For centuries I've stood back and watched the havoc my sons have wrought on each other, and on humanity - not the legacy I prayed for the morning I watched them enter this world... And it's been a tiresome duty - keeping the war contained, cleaning up the mess, hiding my family's unfortunate history?" Ugh. Jacobi was Cadfael and Emperor Claudius for Thor's sake! The fight scenes of Underworld Evolution are pretty good again, with the gulf between character power levels illustrated well visually and there's a pretty cool Vampire kill with a helicopter in the climax. 

As bad as Blade Trinity was, I can't help feeling, again, that the Underworld series is a pale imitator of the Daywalker, or, as alluded to above, Wiseman's fan-fiction wrote large on the big screen. As far as intersecting Vampires and superheroes, the Blade series sets it up better, with Vampires being hidden behind human society, rather than kept apart and obfuscated by a benevolent immortal. I'm honestly considering not bothering with the rest of the series (there are how many of these?) as whatever charm is supposed to be there just fails to land on me. Then again, I've stuck with the Gamera series through some garbage, so I may as well give another one or two a go. If you're not already a fan of this series, I can't say I recommend it, but hey, I'm a bit jaded on the "Vampire Mafia" thing from too many years of White Wolf roleplaying games anyway. 

Miniatures Finished: Vampire Soldiers

Having needed some henchmen for the MI-13 Campaign, I picked up some of these Malifaux "Witchling Stalkers", which where about the closest match for the Vampires in sun-proof suits from Captain Britain and MI-13 I could find in miniature.

I also took another pass at some crates I had to make them a bit more worn and dirty. 
 

The Vampire soldiers are the baseline henchmen of Dracula's forces, being tough for henchmen, but still weaker than an average hero. 

Name: Vampire Soldiers				BP: 85
Affiliation: Dracula				AP: 6
Strike: 5	Strength: 5	Dodge: 5	Sense: 6 (1)
Toughness: 6 (1)	Mind: 2	Resolve: 2	Damage: 6/6
Powers
Drain 3 (Limited) - 2AP after a successful Strike Attack, reduce opponent’s physical characteristics up to 3
Density Decrease – 3AP, Immune to Damage rolled against Toughness, Cannot make melee attacks, may move through terrain, immune to fall damage, Cannot be Knocked Down
Combat Reflexes – May break from Combat with an Opposed Dodge Test and Charge again
Super-Toughness 1, Super Sense 1
Henchmen Team – 6 Members

Superhero Media: Blade Trinity

Sometimes, a superhero film I haven't seen for years turns out to be better than I remembered; sometimes, I get Blade Trinity. Almost nothing in this film actually works, which is astonishing, it's rare to see such a complete failure of a film; who directed this mess? Oh, David S Goyer you say? And he wrote it too? There we go. I honestly find it hard to believe that the guy wrote Dark City, given how shallow the rest of his output tends to be. Sure, he wrote The Dark Knight, but it's not really the script of that film which everyone is still talking about, is it? Some years[?] after the events of Blade II (which are never referenced or referred to), Blade and Whistler are continuing their war against vampires, with the conflict escalating as vampire numbers dwindle. After an elaborate car chase, Blade is framed for the murder of a police officer and a major manhunt begins. I mean, I'm pretty sure Blade killed a cop in the first film and it didn't result in this, but whatever. Whistler is killed in a police raid and Blade captured, meaning the best character in the franchise has left the building. 

When a pack of uninteresting vampires is about to kill Blade, he is suddenly rescued by Whistler's illegitimate and never before mentioned daughter and Ryan Reynolds. I know Reynolds is meant to be playing obscure Marvel character Hannibal King, but this is really one of his roles where he's just playing Ryan Reynolds in an odd circumstance; not that I didn't enjoy it or anything. Much like Typhoid Mary in Elektra, Hannibal King is an obscure character I have some fondness for and was shocked to see on the big screen before Iron Man and Thor got there. I feel that King's identity apart from the Reynolds interpretation would be interesting enough to bring to the screen again, should there be a place for vampires in the MCU in the future. For those who are looking for the origins of the Reynolds Deadpool, look no further than Blade Trinity, as soon as this film was finished, the process of getting the Merc with a Mouth to the screen began; it would take more than a decade. No, we're not counting X-Men Origins Wolverine, why even ask that? The casting on this film is nuts, Jessica Biel, Parker Poesy, Triple H and Patton Oswalt are all in there, not to mention that Dracula is played by Dominic Purcell, of all people. 

Dracula, or "Drake", is probably the weakest point of the film, Purcell is just a terrible cast, not really making sense in the role, and the presence of the character is baffling. Drake is reawakened because of Blade's continued success as a vampire-slayer, but I thought the plan was to get him arrested? Also, the Nightstalkers are out there too, so is the idea that there are too many Vampire hunters out there emboldened by Blade? None of this is clear and I'm probably just reading into it too much. The film ends with Blade almost dying to a designer virus made to wipe out Vampires, but resurrecting on the autopsy table and running off into the night. The voice-over from Hannibal implies that Blade started a new generation of vampires and the hunt began again, but this too, is not clear. This film is a mess, and I honestly can't recommend it beyond the need for completion or as ideas for an alternate Vampire: The Masquerade game. A poor end to what was a great series for a couple of films.

Superhero Media: Blade II

Before I get too much into this film, I kind of have to do a bit more waffling about how the Blade series relates to Vampire: The Masquerade, especially the Bloodpack, a team of Vampire special forces soldiers trained to take out Blade. The comparison to a VtM "Archon" Coterie is pretty hard to ignore, to the point where I can identify which Clan each character belongs to; watch me nerd, nerds. Asad (Danny John-Jules) is a Camarilla (Ivory Tower) Assamite. Chupa, the guy in the chain shirt, is a Ganrel (hairy, more obvious fangs and anachronistic gear). Lighthammer (carries a big hammer) is probably a Brujha, what with his incredible strength. Priest (bad hair and sunglasses) is clearly a Ventrue because of his rant about "Purebloods", plus his arrogance gets him killed. Reinhardt (Hellboy) is likely another Brujha, because his anger gets him killed and he seems to be using the Presence ability "Awe" in a couple of scenes. Snowman (did you realise that this is Donnie Yen? I sure didn't!) is Toreador whose "art" is all about traditional swordplay. Verlaine (readhead) is likely another Brujha due to her relationship with Lighthammer, but because of that relationship, I get an Anarch vibe from them. Rant over, back to the review.

Following on several years from the previous film, Blade is in Prague, looking for Whistler and hunting vampires with the help of the less coherent brother from Boondock Saints. Shortly after rescuing the best character in the franchise, the team are confronted by the Bloodpack and asked to help find Nomak, a recently-discovered "Super-Vampire" who feeds only on other Vampires. Blade teams up with the Bloodpack, an "enemy of my enemy" situation, and they take on a pack of Super-Vampires that attack a Vampire nightclub. After losing several team members, they discover that silver and garlic have no effect and they have to resort to sunlight (in the form of UV torches), which makes the Vampires not terribly happy. Whistler is acting strange, the Boondock Saint doesn't trust him and everyone is seconds away from killing each other, but after a nasty autopsy scene, they realise the Super-Vampires are capable of reproducing exponentially and will overwhelm the planet within a year. 

Turns out Boondock Saint is the traitor and that Blade and Whistler have been playing everyone. Nomak was created by the Vampire Nation as an attempt to duplicate Blade, then Blade drinks some blood and wins the day by killing every Vampire in the place. Where Blade is shockingly grounded and real-looking, Blade II has a lot more style and over-the-top design that goes with a del Toro production. Although they're ridiculous, the Bloodpack have great individual looks, probably being close to how every VtM player pictures their character (though my most successful character wore a polo shirt and khaki slacks). The Blade/Nomak fight is one off my all-time favourite superhero fights, it's brutal, with bones breaking as two super-strong foes beat each other senseless. A bone-crunching moment where Nomak regenerates a broken arm gives me a good cringe every time, and it's followed up with a monster "people's elbow" from the roof.

There are more fantasy elements in Blade II when compared to the original, but it feels like a natural progression, with Blade having defeated a literal god in the conclusion of the original, where else was there to go? If I had to choose, I'd say I prefer Blade II, but the Bloodpack and Whistler arguing with a Boondock Saint are a big selling point of that, rather than an overall 'quality' of any measure. It's fun and I like that it's fun and that's enough sometimes. I do think that the Blade series doesn't get better from here, Blade II was about as far as the concept could really go, even introducing Dracula in Blade Trinity wouldn't work (as we'll see shortly) and it was the only thing left, because folding Blade into a Marvel Shared Universe really wasn't an option at the time. We owe the Blade series a lot, and I think it doesn't get much appreciation, but there is a reason it's been forgotten and is more closely linked with the Underworld series than it is with X-Men or Spider-Man. Bring back Blade for a Marvel Studios MI-13 I say!