Fantasy Football - Epic Level

Regular readers will be well aware of how dull I find the concept of "the most powerful" superhero that the internet is somehow still fixated on. Mathing out how strong a character "really" is has no appeal to me, as I tend to enjoy narratives for being, you know, narrative, and not an exercise in statistics. That said, when people pull out the whole "well this character is strongest because X" nonsense, I do like to have something in my back pocket to shut the argument down and move on. Golden Age Superman, Stardust the Super Wizard and Doctor Manhattan are kind of your 'ad absurdam' responses there, by the way.

That said, I have thought about this at least a little, and come up with a list myself for this 'discussion' when it raises its ugly head. Naturally, I dug pretty deep and came up with some strange and niche characters because, well, that's kind of my thing, isn't it? So strap yourself in for a list of crazy characters that break narrative fiction with their outlandish powers and put any of your Gokus or Supermans Primes to shame.


Sun Wu Kong

Look, why bother with any Shonen anime protagonist, when you can just have the character they're all riffing on? Sure Goku or JoJo can teleport or run really fast, but can they jump the entire length of the universe from a standing start? Undefeated in battle, outsmarted only by the Buddha himself and so strong he can lift heaven, Sun Wu Kong, the Handsome Monkey King, puts almost every modern superhero to shame.

Fantomah

C'mon, you knew Fletcher Hanks was going to show up on this list somewhere and Stardust is really more of a villain by my standards, so that left Fantomah, Mystery Woman of the Jungle. Fantomah's powers are difficult to truly quantify as she, like many Golden Age Ubermench, can basically do anything at any time with no real justification needed. Able to fly, turn invisible, become intangible and transmute basically anything, Fantomah uses her godlike powers to inflict ironic punishments upon those who violate 'jungle law'. No returning antagonists for this superwoman, the first super-powered female in comics history, they're all dead.

Golden Bat

Forget Superman, let's talk about the world's first superhero! Now, we could argue all day about characters like The Scarlet Pimpernel, Hercules or Gilgamesh perhaps being the first 'superheroes', but for my money, it all comes together with Golden Bat (or Ogon Bat in Japan), who predates Superman, The Spirit and The Phantom, first appearing in a kind of traditional Japanese street theatre, but since appearing in manga, film, anime and even video games. Golden Bat is more magic than super, with his cane and secret island lair that looks like his face, but that doesn't mean he can't fly to the moon in moments or lift up entire islands at a whim. So yeah, basically Golden Age Superman with a skull face and looking like a knock-off academy award. Awesome.

Indigo

The superhero from Robert Mayer's classic pastiche novel Super Folks, imagine an aging superman who's powers have slowly been draining away until he realises that the entire city of New York is laced with his one weakness, Cronkite. Once freed from this influence, Indigo is once again capable of astounding feats, literally punching the antagonist of the story out of the universe. Indigo is very Bronze Age comics in his presentation, but has retained all the absurd powers that symbolise the Golden Age, think post-Death of the Staceys Spider-Man in terms of neuroses with the powers of Doctor Manhattan. If you're a comics fan and you haven't read Super Folks, you really should check it out.

Tesseract

You want deep cuts? I got deep cuts. Tesseract is the greatest warrior of Halcyon, also known as The Everywhere Man and the Totality Warrior. The unique power granted to Tesseract by his magic tree mommy is that every version of him across the multiverse is connected and fight in unison. Man, Ultimate Fantastic Four was a trip. Seriously, when this guy punches you, it's actually an infinite number of him punching you, that's crazy. This guy is so obscure that it's genuinely hard to find much information on him, especially as the Cosmic Cube stole his name for the MCU, but if you have a chance to read some Ultimate Fantastic Four, try it out, it's not really good, per se, but it is very interesting.

Danton - Part VI

At last! The final installment of this nonsense! I promise that I won't be revisiting any of my ideas from high school again soon, even the "good" ones that still exist in my broader Equalisers setting somewhere. Honestly, I only really wanted to preserve this for some kind of posterity and this blog is just obscure enough to suit my purposes there. So here we go, Danton, for the last time anywhere.

Danton - Lord of the Ring

After establishing democracy in France, Doctor Strange has retired and Schama has retreated to his empire in Russia. One day, Zorro comes to Doctor Strange and presents him with the One Ring. Doctor Strange realises what it is and collects a group of warriors to take it to Mount Vesuvius and destroy it. Zorro, Link, Dr Colossus, Mister Staypuff and Dobbie depart from Paris among much fanfare and travel for days before remembering that they could just used the Chronosphere. Returning to Paris, the fellowship find that the Chronosphere compound is occupied by a team of all-star terrorists from Canada known as "The Furious Maple Leaf".


...and that's where it all ends, mid-adventure. I'm not sure when and why I left off, but I have to guess I was either too busy or just got sick of the whole enterprise. In retrospect, it was all pretty stupid and whilst I remember having fun with it, the fact that I never really did anything with it was probably for the best. Hopefully, this has been at least a fun diversion for a few entries and we can get back to our normal nonsense.

Superhero Media: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

I remember seeing a few reviews of She-Ra and the Princesses of Power in which the author seemed to not be sure just how queer the programme was in the early seasons; myself, less than three episodes in, I was like "yep, this is gay alright". For once, I am using "gay" as a prerogative, though not to be at all insulting or dismissive, She-Ra is just super gay and that's part of what makes it amazing. For me there was a moment very early on, possibly even in the first episode (the issue with binging a programme being that individual episodes tend to blend together), where Catra is seen to not actually have her own bunk in the barracks, but habitually sleeps curled up at Adora's feet. I know that's also a visual gag about Catra being a cat, but their whole relationship and how Catra has been shaped by it, is super gay. So yes, She-Ra is just as woke, queer, technicolor and Hopepunk as you've probably heard, all whilst being well written, pretty damn smart and having a great cast. Sure, the last season feels a little rushed, but overall the programme is solid and well worth a watch. 

What I liked most about She-Ra is that it answered a question I'd had in the back of my mind for a few years; how do you do superheroes in a fantasy setting? Most fantasy settings already have beings with more-than-human powers, so is there a need for anything like a costumed hero? I've seen a few attempts in roleplaying games over the years, the Grey Guardian[s] in Pathfinder, a friend's Exalted campaign and even a recurring character in my own early Dungeons & Dragons with something of an Immortus vibe. It works in She-Ra because the titular Princesses have access to greater magical powers than the general populous of Etheria and the Horde primarily relies on technology that is weak to most forms of magic. In contrast, Bow and Entrapta use technology and are (mostly) on the hero team (I could write a whole essay about Entrapta's neurodiversity and her political agnosticism inadvertently enabling fascism), so there is a role for technology, when used harmoniously with nature and the magic native to Etheria. The whole setting is reasonably rich and deep for this kind of programming, and could make for some fun gaming. 

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power is pretty amazing, but much like Adventure Time or Big Hero 6 - The Series, the drawbacks come from being a programme for children and tweens. It's great that the world presented has queer, genderqueer and ACE representation, but I suspect in hindsight, that will just become the norm and it won't stand out as much any more. I'm getting a big cult vibe from She-Ra, like I'll be hearing about it for years from a handful of people and my liking, but not loving, the series will cause some friction with die-hard fans. And look, that's fine, my love of Tron is more than enough of a fanboy obsession that I'll forgive it in others, especially when the love is driven by hopepunk inclusive wokeness. I'm not going to be chasing down any miniatures of these characters for my own games, though I would consider Entrapta if I found one, but I would 100% be behind someone dropping models down for SuperSystem or Frostgrave if that's what they wanted to do.

Danton - Part IV

You know, when I started writing these up again, I really had no idea just how much of it there was. I mean, I wrote this all in a few dull History lessons in 2004, that's long enough ago that it's pretty fuzzy for me, so I guess I suspected I didn't do all that much of this? And we're only halfway, well halfway-ish, so I hope you're not as sick of this as I'm getting.


Danton 4: Napoleon Ball Z

While Danton and company were defeating Robespierre in Otherworld, France was conquered by Napoleon, through an alliance with Chewbacca and his army of lawyers. Napoleon became Emperor by finding the Lance of Longinus and forging a series of rings. Now he seeks to become immortal by finding the Dragon Balls; to achieve this he dispatches Inspector Clouseau. Meanwhile Blanka/Danton returns from Otherworld, when he sees what has happened to France, he travels to Paris and challenges Napoleon to single combat, be prize being leadership of France. With the powers of the Lance of Longinus and the One Ring, Napoleon could easily defeat Blanka/Danton, but instead prolongs the combat, making a fool of Blanka/Danton before blasting him to Russia with the Kamehameha technique.

Burning for revenge, Blanka/Danton seeks out allies to fight Napoleon; he stumbles upon Simon Schama, who has led the Mongolians to victory across Asia, forging a massive empire. After striking a deal, Schama dispatches Sniper Wolf to assassinate Clouseau; he fails miserably and is killed by Link. Schama's army marches across Europe, making allies against France. In fear, Napoleon visits a coven of witches, who tell him that "No man of a woman born" can kill him. Now over-confident, Napoleon leaves his army to its own devices, awaiting the final battle in his Volcano Death Fortress.

Without their leader, the French army is quickly defeated by Schama's hardened veterans. Blanka/Danton and Schama confront Napoleon, unfortunately Clouseau has returned with all of the Dragon Balls. Napoleon wishes himself immortal and proceeds to brutally kill Blanka/Danton. Despite his advanced battle-armour, Schama looks doomed, until, at the last minute, Doctor Strange returns from the Hell Dimension in which he was trapped. Strange opens a Dead Zone into which Napoleon is drawn and sealed forever. Schama and Doctor Strange establish democratic rule in France.

Miniatures Finished: Ninja

As I continue to build up and complete teams of henchmen, I have gotten together a small group of Ninja for a variety of games. Just the five so far as I want them to be a more "elite" group and it is a base unit for Warlords of Erehwon.

TMNT Heroclix with some arm and weapon swaps from Warlord Games Samurai sprues.

Superhero Media: The Adventures of Baron Munchausen

Yes! I've been waiting for a good one! Terry Gilliam's The Adventures of Baron Munchausen is not only a classic film, but may well be a masterpiece and is perhaps the only watchable example of "Superheroes in flouncy shirts" produced to date. Thanks to my Father's eccentricities, I was raised on a steady diet of British comedy, Wuxia, cult film and Terry Gilliam, so I can sing the praises of the ex-python's directorial work all day; rather than do that, I'd like to focus on how this fantastic, Odyssean, adventure can be drawn into broader superhero narrative and tropes. The titular protagonist, Baron Munchausen, based loosely on the (mostly fictional) exploits of Hieronymus Karl Friedrich, Freiherr von Münchhausen, a Russo-Turkish war veteran whose tall tales were infamous among the German Aristocracy, is representative of the power of the human imagination, most perfectly expressed by children, but also possessed by those of the correct temperament. Though the power of unfettered imaginings, the Baron can achieve superhuman feats, including riding cannonballs, fighting armies single-handed and traveling to the moon via improvised hot-air balloon. 

In terms of origins, the Baron gains his abilities to perform extraordinary tasks from the power of belief and the imaginations of those around him, somewhat like Captain Britain, or indeed, a form of fae, with the banality of reason and modernity reverting him to being aged and ineffectual. A world without unbridled creativity, ruled by the philosophies of new science, is a world that does not need Baron Munchausen, and may be a world that cannot be saved. The Baron is supported by Berthold, the world's fastest runner, Adolphus, a rifleman with superhuman eyesight, Gustavus, who possesses extraordinary hearing (and sufficient lung power to knock down an army by exhaling), and the fantastically strong Albrecht. Reads like the Baron has a speedster, a sharpshooter, a terrestrial-styled Martian Manhunter and a powerhouse on his super-team. The climatic battle of the film add to this impression, with the team of five, led by the Baron, fights off the entire Turkish army, using each of their powers in unique ways to overcome the superior number of their foes.

Baron Munchausen is a hero for the ages, deserving of a grander place in popular culture in general, but also in comics and other superhero media. Despite a cameo of a bust in The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, the Baron is notably lacking from comics (film tie-ins aside), even though he truly belongs beside figures such as Stardust the Superwizard, The Scarlet Pimpernel and Nyctalope. Eureka Miniature's brilliant Baron is on my painting desk as I write, ready to take part my French Revolution campaign, hopefully set to begin next year, where he will team up with the Pimpernel and other, less savory, characters to save France and the world. So powder your wigs, prime the imaginary engines and get ready to adventure in the unmistakable and inimitable style of Baron Munchausen!