Danton - Part V

Ok, second-to-last one of these, but somehow the longest. Still we're almost done with this jaunt into my first youthful foray into multiverse superhero-ish writing. I can't say it hasn't been pretty awkward going over this for me, but at least I've seen the origins of some of my broader concepts and tropes, which is pretty cool for a writer.

Prelude to Bonaparte - A Danton Adventure

A young General, Napoleon Bonaparte, has risen to prominence under Dracula's regime. He is raised to the rank of General after the Schama War, being before the reunification of France a mercenary, continuing to lead his same force independently of Chewbaca in the Zombie Jesus War. During the final battle with Zombie Jesus, Napoleon discovers his ability to fire energy blasts. As a reward for his service in both the Schama and Zombie Jesus campaigns, Chewbaca grants Napoleon stewardship of Brittany.

This position makes Napoleon hunger for power, he stages a coup, killing Chewbaca and taking control of the French Lawyer army, adding it to his mercenary force. Napoleon embarks upon a naval voyage to the Middle East; upon arriving, he leads his army to victory in Jerusalem and takes for himself the Lance of Longinus, thereby becoming nigh-invincible. Upon returning to France, Napoleon discovers that it has been taken over and is ruled by a Decepticon who can transform into a Guillotine. The armies of Napoleon easily conquer France again, but are unable to penetrate the walls of Paris. Napoleon commissions Einstein to build a chronosphere.

After the chronosphere is completed, Napoleon shifts into Paris and confronts Guillotron. The battle between Guillotron and Napoleon carries on for days, much of Paris is leveled between Napoleon's Gallic Gun and Guillotron's Blaster Canon. In desperation, Napoleon uses the chronosphere on Guillotron, while he is stunned, Napoleon uses his Final Flash, which raises almost of that is left standing in Paris and destroys Guillotron. In the wreckage of Guillotron, Napoleon finds the first Dragon Ball...

Superhero Media: Bumblebee

So this is what a good Transformers film looks like! I hope we get more, given that Bumblebee was kind of intended as a last gasp to see if there was anything left in the franchise. Isn't that the way sometimes, that the one the producers don't care about ends up being the best one? I mean, I'll still defend the first live-action Transformers as a guilty pleasure, but the rest of the series has been mostly terrible. Stripping everything down to just a handful of Transformers, Bumblebee focuses on the relationship between the titular Autobot and Charlie (Hailee Stienfeld), a young woman with mechanical skill and desperate need of a father figure. The film is a by-the-numbers, coming of age, alien friend film, but it works and this isn't a franchise that really needs to reinvent the wheel or anything. The big story of the day, of course, is a return to more traditional (G1) Transformers designs for the Cybertron sequences and battles on Earth, and look, I'm not a huge Transformers fan at the end of the day, but seeing Ravage jump out of Soundwave's chest was pretty awesome. 

When I get asked by friends how I would adapt a given franchise, my usual response is "start with a good cast and script", which is something Bumblebee does long before G1 Optimus Prime appears. Sure, there is nothing overly deep about the film, or any of the characters, but this is Transformers, not Citizen Kane, the basics are enough. We hit a lot of John Hughes style '80s movie tropes and notes on the journey, but rather than a dance or a skateboarding contest, the film ends with a giant robot fight, which, honestly, probably would have improved Sixteen Candles. What I probably enjoyed best about Bumblebee was that it didn't "feel" embarrassed to be a Transformers film, embracing the silliness and childish joy of the franchise, be it in the form of getting to hear Stan Bush's "The Touch" play in one scene or having John Cena point out that the bad guys are called "Decepticons", and doesn't that sound just a little sus? In many ways, watching Bumblebee feels like watching SHAZAM! after sitting through all the drab and serious DCEU films that came out before it. 

So where to from here? Well, personally, as much as I enjoyed Bumblebee, I think it needs a rest before we get a spate of new films, I know I'm a little sick of them, and the box office returns on this one would indicate that the feeling is common. With a few years grace, a new Transformers series, separated from the old one, could be a big hit if it sticks closer to Bumblebee in execution, by which I mean have a good cast and solid script more so than using G1 designs, but there's nothing wrong with both. I mean, it's not like there aren't several nostalgic animated Transformers series around to tide fans over in lieu of a major motion picture, and you can always play some Bot War. I'm not sure how I feel about the proposed "Hasbro Cinematic Universe", as there will likely be some good ideas in there, but I really don't want to have to cover a My Little Pony film here just so my eventual review of the Revolution film. Also I kind of want Rom to be in the MCU instead, just as a fanboy thing.

Superhero Media: Transformers - The Last Knight

But why? Why the hell does this film exist and why does anything that happens in it happen? None of The Last Knight makes any sense, even less so than the previous films in this series, and I really struggled to get through it. After traveling into space at the end of the last film, Optimus Prime returns to Cybertron and is immediately captured and brainwashed into being 'Nemesis Prime' and sent to conquer Earth. That's about the last element of the plot that makes sense in this film, every other major turn feels like it was taken from a post-it note on the writers' room wall. Josh Dhumal comes back, at the same rank, doing the same job. Marky Mark is a Knight of the Round Table suddenly. Bumblebee fought in World War Two. Cybertron is Beast Planet from War Planets and Earth is Unicron, but this never gets resolved. What the fuck? Add the usual "Bayhem" and the fact that no one seems to be able to stay standing during an action scene, and none of this makes sense. 

Did I mention that everyone keeps falling over? Like, all of the time? It's really distracting, like there should be a laugh track over the top, or at least some kazoo music like an old Picture Hall Funny. Essentially none of the characters are interesting, even Antony Hopkins fails to deliver any gravitas, and that's kind of his thing. The Last Knight is almost Bay Transformers Bonox, taking everything dumb, over-the-top and/or nonsensical and filtering out almost everything worth watching. Any clever ideas, like Cybertron and Earth being twin planets, or Nemesis Prime are shunted to the background and barely heard of for the rest of the film. Seriously, Nemesis Prime is in, perhaps, three scenes before Bumblebee turns him good again and we have to fight the Decepticons again. Hell, the US army having to team-up with the Decepticons and releasing several from prison Suicide-Squad style is cool, but doesn't last more than one firefight.

I'm glad this is the last one of these, I don't think I could sit through another. No, Bumblebee doesn't count, it's barely in continuity with these filmic abortions, and thank Primus for that. I'd say that there doesn't really need to be any Transformers films for a few years, but that's not how the industry works anymore, and the franchise does have a lot to work with, Transformers Prime is evidence enough of that. I'm honestly not sure how this proposed "Hasbro Cinematic Universe" is meant to go, do we retroactively count Battleship? I will be disappointed if Marvel Studios can't get the rights back to Rom the Spaceknight though, even though the IDW crossover event around the Dire Wraiths does look pretty cool. I just hope any new films with these characters keep Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime and Frank Welker as Megatron for as long as they can.

Superhero Media: Infestation 2

Hot on the "success" of Infestation, IDW launched the second part, Infestation 2, leaner, meaner and with more than a few changes. Rather than a single entity, like the Undermind, Infestation 2 pits its heroes against the entirety of the Cthulhu mythos, which makes for grander stories, but the overall effect is slightly weakened without a recurring villain like Brit to tie the narrative together. Infestation 2 features the Transformers, Dungeons and Dragons, TMNT, GI Joe and 30 Days of Night, most of which are better than the stories in Infestation, but without the kind of crossover promised, like Snake Eyes meeting Optimus Prime and Leonardo, it's still unfulfilling. Once again, the GI Joe story is the best one, with a cult uprising at a Cobra asylum for insane operatives. Crystal Ball (Cobra Old Ones Expert), Storm Shadow, a Cobra Psychologist and a cadre of lunatics have to survive a wave of hybrids to shut down the ritual and escape. I'd watch that film, even without a GI Joe framework and characters. 

The Transformers story takes place, not "now" or in the near future (like the 1986 film), but in 1887, with most of the Autobots and Decepticons in hiding, until Dunwhich is overrun by Deep Ones and corrupted Decepticons and Nikola Tesla has to awaken Optimus Prime to save the day. It's ridiculous nerd-bait, but the fun concept and diesel-punk transformer designs make it worth a look anyway. Nothing else in the anthology is really worth mentioning, though none of it is strictly bad, if you have the Omnibus Edition like I do, the whole Infestation/Infestation 2 does make for a good read and has plenty of inspiration for supers and horror games of all kinds. For me, the Infestation[s] are a nice additional antagonist for a campaign without having to buy additional miniatures, as I already own more than enough zombies and cultists to combine Infestation with Annihilation or to run it as its own series of games.

I've read almost all of HP Lovecraft's published works, and whilst I'm not a huge fan, his ability to evoke the otherworldly, the uncanny and a sense of unknowable horror is unmatched. It's no wonder that his style and mythos have endured and become a major fixture of popular culture. Of course, having such powerful beings as the great old ones leads some writers to wanting to see this power flexed; hence many derivative stories being more action-focused. As I've mentioned a number of times, a certain subset of supers fans are more interested in seeing the fights than the characters, so that superheroes fighting mythos monsters is a pretty expected result. Sometimes, this works really well, like Hellboy or Atomic Robo, but there are far too many poor attempts that leave me mostly disappointed. For me, the best Old Ones in comics are the ones that were there before we knew what they were, Starro, Galactus and Stardust the Super Wizard, for example. What's the point of a mountain-sized monstrosity when Superman can still throw it into space, after all?

Superhero Media: Transformers - Age of Extinction

Well, it took three films to get here, but Age of Extinction is actually pretty watchable. The normal Transformers series problems are here, like the overly-long third act, occasionally difficult to follow action and too many superfluous characters. Making the overall quality of the film better are elements like better looking Transformers, a human protagonist who isn't Sam and some decent world-building. After the Battle of Chicago in Dark of the Moon, both Autobots and Decepticons have been ruthlessly hunted by the CIA and only a few are left. Cade Yeager is a down on his luck inventor, trying to hold on to the family home and fund his daughter's College when he acquires a damaged Optimus Prime hiding in an old theatre, soon the CIA is after him and he, his daughter and his daughter's boyfriend are on the run alongside the surviving Autobots. There's something interesting in one of the antagonists of the film being the CIA, especially given Michael Bay's propensity to glorify the American Military-Industrial Complex, but nothing really comes of it sadly, with the reveal that it was the doing of just a couple of corrupt people in charge. 

It seems that someone finally showed Bay what Transfomers actually look like, because all of the Autobots are nicely colour-coded, so you can tell who is in each scene without squinting! I still can't remember any of their names, other than Optimus, Bumblebee and Hound, but at least I know which one I'm looking at. There are several villains in Age of Extinction, the above-mentioned CIA guys, a resurrected Galvitron and an intergalactic Bounty Hunter, Lockdown. The film chooses to represent Lockdown as being from Cybertron, but the Transformers Wiki indicates that he's a different alien who clashes with the Autobots. Lockdown is a really neat villain, kind of like a combination of Lobo and The Collector, he would be great in a variety of supers games and settings, I'm even considering something similar for Kill Team, which I'm getting pretty into right now. I wonder if this was a first attempt at building the "Hasbro Cinematic Universe" that keeps popping up in the film industry rumor mill. Could Lockdown have been conceived as a rogue Space Knight or something from MASK? We may never know, but it's nice to have a decent villain in the film. 

What stops this from being a genuinely "good" film is a problem, once again, with the human characters. Cade is actually fine, probably one of the best human characters in the franchise, the difficult relationship with his daughter is a bit cliche, but works fine with the tone of the film. The issues mostly revolve around the boyfriend, Shane, the nature of his relationship with Tessa, and the reasons for him in the narrative. The core of the conflict between Cade and Shane is that Shane is 20 and Tessa 17, which really isn't a big deal until Shane states the specific Texas State Statute that means it's not statutory rape for them to be together. That's kind of creepy. Not the age difference, when I was 23 I dated an 18 year-old and no one really arced up at all, but pointing out a specific law that makes it "not a crime" smacks of someone on the crew wanting to point that out for a long time and not having the opportunity to do so. Someone creepy. With a fixation on teenage girls long after they're of an age where that's appropriate. After that, Shane just kind of fades into the background and doesn't do anything to drive the plot. Age of Extinction is far from perfect, but is probably the best film in this series; if you only give one a go, make it this one. 

From the Archives - Vol 1

Been doing a big catalogue of my Supers stuff and realised just how little of it is on this blog. To remedy that, I'll be running the occasional entry showcasing my older efforts. 

First up, here is my old "Trailer" for my Little Wars Melbourne 2015 game, now on YouTube: 

Enjoy! Next time, some miniatures and maybe terrain. Actually, I'd like to do some more video stuff, but it's very time-consuming, so probably not any time soon. 

Superhero Media: Transformers - Dark of the Moon

I've never been too sure about why the Transformers film series is so maligned; as I've written previously, I actually enjoyed Transformers. After seeing Dark of the Moon, I finally understand just how bad this series is. Essentially every defense I could muster for Transformers and Revenge of the Fallen melts away in the glare of this cinematic symphony of error, I have to liken it to the "Dark Age" of comics, in which publishers marketed to exactly the wrong aspect of something that worked once, and the audience lapped it up. I will still maintain that Transformers is a reasonably decent film, though one with a great many flaws, Revenge of the Fallen was about as good a sequel as the same team could have put out, but Dark of the Moon goes full Terminator 3 on this franchise. Mikaela, the only character with any agency thus far, is gone, Michael Bay having sexually harassed Megan Fox into breaking her contract, leaving the audience following Sam's continuing refusal to move past adolescence, now trying to land his first real job and dating Carly, another impossibly-attractive woman framed as an object. 

The Autobots, now working for the US Military, discover a crashed ship on the moon, recovering and awakening Sentinel Prime, Optimus' former mentor, starting a game of keepaway between Autobots and Decepticons. Soon, it is revealed that Sentinel has been working with Megatron the entire time, with a diabolical plan of using a space bridge to bring Cybertron to Earth's solar system and enslave the human race to rebuild their war devastated planet. So wait, the entire first two films were a ruse? The Decepticons were just biding their time, accepting considerable losses, until the American Government made an agreement with the Autobots, a conspiracy theorist leaks information to Optimus Prime and Sentinel is awoken to complete his space bridge after thousand of years? I don't think I can actually list all of the major problems with this plan in the length of this article, even if I were given over to that kind of nit-picking. The film builds to a big battle in Chicago where Lennox and the Marines from Transformers help Sam and Carly get to Sentinel before time runs out. The battle is nifty in parts, but is far too long and over the top to be interesting after the first fifteen minutes. 

That's not to say that everything in this film is terrible, merely that the overall film isn't worth watching unless you're of the kind of mindset as I am. As mentioned above, the Chicago Battle is interesting in parts, and would make a good scenario/campaign/roleplaying session, even if, when watching, you will get bored of Sam and Carly falling out of buildings and screaming. At the start of the film, the Decepticons are hiding in the desert, barely functioning, with tiny drones clambering all over them, it's actually a really engaging tableau, which I could see working well in Sci-Fi or Post Apoc gaming, if you had the conversion skills. Dark of the Moon, even outside of the space bridge, has plenty of references to Transformers cartoons, including The Wreckers, but like Punisher War Zone, the references only highlight the flaws in comparison to the original material. Also there's Shockwave, who is pretty cool and probably my favourite Transformer, but he's not even purple so why bother? I know it gets better after this, but I'm really sick of this franchise right now. 

Superhero Media: Transformers Prime

Like everyone of a certain generation, I grew up watching Transformers and playing with the toys. Like many favourites of childhood, when I want back to try and watch the classic series, I was disappointed with the reality of 25-minute toy commercials that were more interested in merchandise than telling good stories. I've also been watching the recent series of Transformers films, which are not good, so I wanted to try and find some kind of Transformers media that was worth watching. I reached out to a fiend who is a big fan of Transformers and he recommended Transformers Prime, saying it was probably the best version of the programme out there. I was still wary, but gave it a go anyway; Transformers Prime is pretty damn amazing, with a strong story, well-written characters and the main drive of the narrative changes each season to keep things fresh. Peter Cullen and Frank Welker return to their iconic roles and the whole series is simply engaging in the way a lot of children's television fails to be for adults. 

The set-up is essentally the same as it always is, the Autobots and Decepitcons come to Earth after Cybertron was destroyed in their war and hostilities renew. Where Transformers Prime differentiates itself is in the smaller cast than normal, the main Autobots for the first half of the series are Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, Ironhide, Ratchet and Arcee. Along with the Autobots, there are three teenagers, Jack, Miko and Raf, who provide the human element for the series. As much as the humans are typically the least engaging part of any Transformers series, Jack, Miko and Raf are really interesting in their own rights, help out more than they hinder the Autobots and each have a special relationship with a particular Autobot that really drives character development. There's something about Transformers Prime that makes it come across, to me, at least, as an adaptation of someone's, really awesome, Transformers role playing campaign. Each player gets an Autobot and a human and occasionally an NPC does something awesome, mostly Optimus Prime.
 

There's more than just Autobots and Decepticons at war in Transformers Prime, the FBI are involved, as well as a few independent Cybertronians and a clandestine cult of Xenophobes. Much of the second season is taken up with a quest for several Cybertronian artifacts that could change the course of the war, culminating in Optimus Prime finding the Autobot equivalent of Excalibur and cutting through a goddamned mountain. To add more believable conflict to the war, there are disposable Decpticon minions and the Autobots suffer losses and reversals, rather than just winning all of the time. Characters grow, change and suffer in a way that most children's television doesn't bother to do, Transformers Prime really does reach higher than the rest of the franchise and is well worth your time. I never thought I would really care about these characters, but that's all changed and now I'm browsing eBay for toys to convert into wargames miniatures.

Superhero Media: Transformers Revenge of the Fallen

Is this the one everyone hates, or is that the next one? All I remembered was the giant Decepticon with the wrecking ball testicles, and that didn't bode well. I held out some hope during the first act of the film, as Revenge of the Fallen opens with a joint US Army/Autobot task force taking down Decepticons across the globe, which really should have been the entire damn film, as Josh Duhamel makes a much better protagonist than actual cannibal Shia LaBeouf. Before too long, Optimus Prime is dead, Megatron is alive and there's some kind of global chase for the Matrix of Leadership which can either destroy the planet or resurrect Optimus, or something like that, I wasn't really paying close attention. There's just something about Revenge of the Fallen that glosses past the mind's eye without really registering, like eating chips, you don't realise how much you've had until it's gone. 

The last act of Revenge of the Fallen is probably the most interesting to take a look at, with military forces and Autobots protecting the corpse of Optimus Prime whilst Sam races to them. The sequence is fun to watch, Bay can shoot the hell out of an action scene and has a particular eye for soldiers and military equipment, but there are some really distracting elements. Firstly, the USMC flies into Egyptian air-space without permission, shooting at an army of alien robots that have been covered up for years. When the Egyptians twig to what's happening, their own military flies in to "help", or presumably tell the Americans to get the fuck out of their national borders, but they get shot down by Decepticons so that the white people can save the day. Also, I swear Sam is running for a good forty minutes, the film just takes forever to end, I was sick of seeing Actual Cannibal Shia LaBeouf fall into the sand. 

Revenge of the Fallen is not a good film, but whereas the first Transformers was enjoyable despite it's flaws, this one is really hard to get anything out of. The only parts I can remember liking were the old Prime talking about the Autobot/Decepicon divide being a political one and Optimus rocking that sweet jetpack, but similar scenes in Transformers Prime are much better if that's what you're after. Despite the flaws, problematic characters and terrible dialogue, there is something to these films that makes them somewhat compelling; for me, I think it's how well they defy traditional analysis, but if they're really that bad, how are they still making more of them? I'm not sure why this series is a big as it is, but I will keep watching them, so long as I can do so without paying money.

Superhero Media: Transformers (2007)

I hadn't seen this film for a number of years, but I remember loving it back in 2007. Yes, I really enjoyed Michael Bay's Transformers when I first saw it, shortly before I started studying cinema. You see, Bay makes big, dumb, fun films for an audience that doesn't want to think about them too much, and that's ok. And actually, Transformers was probably the perfect franchise for a series of big, dumb, fun films, the cartoons having always been dumb and fun, but occasionally aspiring to something greater. Really, there are quite a few moments to enjoy in Transformers, the Autobots and Decepitcons look good, but a little busy, the fight scenes are pretty decent and Michael Bay can shoot the hell out of a car chase. The real problem of the film is, once again, a focus on uninteresting characters at the cost of those with far more stake in what is happening around them.  

No, I'm not one of those fans who complains that there are more humans than Transformers in the film, I do think it was a good choice for the first one. However, Sam is a big problem, he literally has no reason to be in the film other than owning the glasses that both sides are hunting. I don't think Sam's motivation, of wanting to have sex, is that bad, it does fit his character, but his entitlement, narcissism and ignorance of his own privilege render him nothing more than an irritant rather than a character. Mikaela is the daughter of a car thief, why couldn't she initiate the plot by stealing Bumblebee? The sub-plot of Captain Lennox and his men surviving a Decepitcon attack, learning how to fight them and bringing that knowledge back home is really good, why wasn't the film about that? That would have been really cool, actually.

It was an interesting experience going back and taking another look at Transformers, the sexism and racism made for uncomfortable viewing, but at the same time, there were some great moments that felt overlooked in the broader discussion. Jon Voight is in this film, (remember that? I didn't) playing a surprisingly forward-thinking and pragmatic Defense Secretary who is willing to listen to the most outlandish theory from his lowliest subordinate when she brings him evidence of the impossible; I don't recall ever seeing that in any film. Having Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime is pretty damn fantastic and lends a shocking amount of gravitas to the character's dialogue. When Bumblebee and Mikaela decide to go back and join the fight, despite his being wounded and her being scared, is possibly the centerpiece moment of the film, but I didn't remember it. In short, Transformers is a study in contrasts; it's not good, but has great moments. Has a brilliant (for the most part) cast, but resorts to uncomfortable stereotyping. Perhaps worth another look, but far from a classic.