Superhero Media: Hellboy (2019)

I'm assuming at this point that no one needs me to tell them that the 2019 Hellboy reboot is a bad film. The script is poor, the CGI is somehow worse than the previous films, the sound mixing is so bad I couldn't make out the dialogue half the time, and it tries way too hard to set up a franchise. However, if Hellboy was just a bad film hijacking the goodwill of two previous films with the same characters to try and launch a cinematic universe, that would, like The Mummy, be the end of the story. Like many "bad" films I cover on this blog, Hellboy has enough in it to make it a worthwhile watch, even if the overall effect is a negative one. For the wargamer, superhero or otherwise, there is plenty of great stuff, from a WWII sequence featuring Lobster Johnson and British Wizards, through to Hellboy and Ben Damiyo (in wereleopard form) taking on a Celtic Troll with pig features. Modern incarnations of the Knights of the Round table are always pretty fun, probably one of the parts of Hellsing I enjoyed most, and Hellboy has them mounting up to hunt giants with electrified lances. Awesome. 

Seriously, the Great Hunt segment is pretty brilliant and over far too quickly when all is said and done, I'll certainly be running with that idea at some point, possibly for a display game. I've said before that superheroes need to fight more giant foes more in cinema, and whilst the poor CGI makes the fight hard to follow, I'll take what I can get. Also vampire Luchidoro. He's not there for long, but that's another cool idea to use somewhere else. And there lies the major issue with the script of Hellboy, it never sits still long enough to enjoy the clever moments that are there. David Harbor is fine in the role, but almost everything I know about the character is drawn from prior knowledge, rather than being informed by the film, as it should be. There is plenty or lore about Hellboy and the villain, Morgan le Fey, revealed in extended exposition sequences, but I never really learn who they are, in contrast to what. It's just bad film-making and is a real shame in the light of having had two excellent Hellboy films previously. 

Another point of contention that I, personally, have with Hellboy is that it has an "R" rating, but fails to do anything interesting with those expanded limits. Swearing and drinking more certainly grounds Hellboy, but the added violence is mostly grotesque, especially a sequence in the third act which seems more ripped from Attack on Titan than the Dark Horse comics. There are plenty of aspects of the comics present, but without having a solid tone or bothering to explain who Hellboy and the BPRD are, and their roles, it's just a series of Easter Eggs for a franchise that will never arrive. What Hellboy reminds me of most is an odd combination of Catwoman and The Mummy. The Dark Universe connection is obvious, with a failed Cinematic Universe effort filled with references to films that will never happen. The connection to Catwoman, however, is that Hellboy is just pretty bad, and even the good ideas in it may be lost if we don't dig through it and use them somewhere else. So throw a horseback giant hunt, vampire wrestler or ghost Pulp Hero into your next game[s], at least it should be more fun than this film.

Even More Superhero Movies that Never Happened

This should really be the last of these for a while, especially as none of these films ever made it out of pre-production, with a bit of the casting being wish-lists and scripts never finished. With only one exception, I'm pretty glad that none of these never got up, as none of them sounded too interesting or that capable of being good. Ok, maybe two? But the second one is more about seeing what the director would have done than it being a decent film in its own right.


Spider-Man 4 

There is a lot of conflicting information online as to what a potential 4th Sam Rami Spider-Man outing could have looked like, with just about every Spidey antagonist, from Black Cat to Scorpion, but the main lead seems to be around Curtis Conners (as played by Dylan Baker) becoming The Lizard. Seriously, just about every internet film site has a different "leaked script" to work from, and all of them claim to have the real deal. After seeing how the conflict between Rami and the studio affected Spider-Man 3, I think not getting this one is more like dodging a bullet than missing out on anything.

Hellboy III 

Yes, I really wanted this one, and I maintain it's a shame that it never materialised. However, after the smaller return on Hellboy II, and with the plan being an end-of-the-world story with a downer ending, Hollywood just would have never gotten there. Sometimes what's good and what's going to make the studio a bunch of money just aren't close and we get a mediocre reboot rather than the finale of a unique series in the Superhero genre. Think about it, in the "Demonic Superhero" film sub-sub-genre, Hellboy is the ONLY worthwhile entry, being great even factoring in that the competition is Spawn and Faust Love of the Damned. How would this have gone? I'm not sure, but given how amazing the previous two outings were, this one really does feel like a loss.

Justice League Mortal

The idea of what Justice League Mortal could have been, especially in the wake of the 2017 version being disappointing, has become a flag for diehard DC fans to flock to, but my interest in it is more from a construction standpoint. As it stands, the intended director of this film would have been Australian legend, George Miller of Mad Max fame, and seeing him taking a swing at a Justice League inspired by both the Bruce Timm DCAU and Mark Waid comics version. I'm not sure that Miller would have been a good choice for the tone, and I maintain that John Stewart is too thin a character to carry anything grander than a cartoon, but there was potential there and had it been made, perhaps the face of the DC films would have been vastly different.


That Shitty James Cameron Spider-Man 

Not only could this have been a terrible film in it's own right, it may well have been so bad that it could have conceivably scuppered the entire Superhero Film industry for years. Featuring none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger as Doctor Octopus (who is calling himself "Spider-Man" for some reason), Peter Parker would have been a student of Doc Ock before getting his powers, and the two would have battled, along with a giant robot spider on top of the World Trade Center. Cameron is a decent director, no doubt about that, even if I'm not really a big fan myself, but the details that have leaked about this project leave little room for favorable interpretation. Much like former entries, YouTube is full of little documentaries about this that go into far more detail than I can really do here, if that's of interest to you. 

From the Archives - 5

Due to the fact I started painting superheroes long before I started this blog, some of the stuff I painted has never been featured here, which is something I'm looking to remedy as I sort out my collection at bit better.

Liz Sherman: When painting my BPRD stuff, I went for stark shading and highlights, to evoke the art style of Mike Mignola, and I like the results even if it doesn't precisely match my other heroes and villains. Heroclix. 

V: One of my very first superhero conversions, V was done for my first big display game, so that I had four "Indy" characters for players to choose from. I'm pretty happy with this one, but one day I'd like a mini more like the film version. Converted Carnivale. 

The Thin Man: Man, I used Weird World War II gaming as an excuse to paint lots of heroes back in the day. I don't think Thin Man ever got used in a game, but turned up on a few display tables. Heroclix. 
 

Baron Blood: Another Weird Wars piece, I decided to give him a red scheme rather than purple as it was a little more pulpy. Don't let the pictures online scare you off Baron Blood, the mini is actually pretty nice with a good sense of movement. Heroclix. 

Black Manta: This version of Manta comes with a trident that was pretty much always bent, so I replaced it with some Dark Eldar blades to evoke his funny sword/knife thing from the comics. I need to do more games with this guy, he's a fun character. Heroclix. 

Deathstroke: I used to not be happy with the more pastel shades on this figure, but as I see more and more dark and dirty versions of Slade for Batman Miniatures Game, I'm glad he has a more Silver Age finish. Heroclix. 

Miniatures Finished: 13/10/19

Wow, I think my backlog of getting these posts to a publishable state is actually catching up with my painting. Going to have to fix that. I have been painting a lot of Kill Team and Seven Years War on commission, but now maybe it's time to get back to supers.

Captain Marvel: So glad I already had one of these after the SHAZAM! film came out, he got shifted to the painting box pretty quickly after the DVD dropped. Heroclix. 

Medusa: Not a character I was ever really thinking about buying, but I got the Queen of the Inhumans in a job lot and she painted up quite nicely. Heroclix. 

John Carter: Another small expansion to the growing roster of Victorian Age Supers, John Carter will hopefully see play in a number of games. Tin Man Miniatures. 
 

Kroenen: This move-only Hellboy Villain was a must-buy as soon as I saw someone was making it. Assuming the long-promised 1949 Secrets of the Third Reich second edition rules ever materialise, he'll join my German forces as a character. Avolka Castings. 

Mojo: Another character that was a random pick out of the box to paint, I love the look of Mojo, but don't see him really being included in too many games. Maybe something in a "Contest of Champions" vein? Heroclix. 

Penguins: I was cutting up a Penguin (the Batman villain) to use in a commission project and noticed I had a few spare penguins (the animals) on his base. I like some bits and pieces scattered around tables for fun, so keeping these and painting them up was an easy decision. Heroclix. 
 

Superhero Media: Myth Hunters

Another good find on Netflix, though I had seen a couple of episodes on SBS2 a couple of years ago, I was glad to be able to give the whole series a go. Labelled as a "documentary", Myth Hunters does look pretty sensationalist on the surface, searching for the "hidden truth" of Crystal Skulls, Noah's Ark and the Holy Grail. However, what Myth Hunters is about beneath the surface gloss is the men and woman who have dedicated their lives to finding these mysterious items, amazing people like Karl Mauch, who discovered amazing anthropological sites and was about as close to Doc Savage as any real person could ever have been. For those who consider documentaries "light entertainment", this may well be worth a quick binge between Attenboroughs. 

What Myth Hunters can offer the supers gamer is plenty of fodder for Golden Age gaming. Especially if you're keen on the idea of inter-war Mystery Men going toe-to-toe with "fiendish" Nazi magicians, seeking a fast path to world domination, Indiana Jones style. True, Indy has already dealt with crystal skulls, the Ark of the Covenant and the Holy Grail, but items and places like the Germanica, King Solomon's mines and El Dorado are ripe for interpretation in miniature, with Lobster Johnson or Phantomah ready to defend against the terrors of the Third Reich. I can see Lobster Johnson tangling with Baron Blood over a ruined temple in my future already! May also be an excuse to paint up Kroenen and some more zombies, who knows what power the Book of Thoth holds, after all? 
 

If you're an avid Pulp Alley gamer, give Myth Hunters a watch, you won't be disappointed with what you find. I was hoping for something good to paint to, but I was rewarded with a programme with a decent amount of thought put into it and some great reconstructions. I'm off to paint some more Golden Age heroes and Nazi agents.  

Thinking out loud: The Future of Heroclix

Way back in the early 2000s, I got into Heroclix pretty hard when it first hit the shelves. It was my first flirtation with supers gaming and probably the biggest jump I'd made away from Warhammer 40,000 at the time (purchase-wise, I had played a bit of DBA and NATO Spearhead). Much like what would happen five or so years later with Warmachine, tournament play finally killed my enthusiasm for Heroclix, as well as the artificial rarity, and I pooh-poohed the game for a fair while after that. Despite this, I did keep buying the odd loose clix, if it was of a character I really liked or could find use in another miniatures game; I had, at one stage, grand plans for an Ultimates-themed 40K Daemonhunters army, with Nick Fury as an Inquistor and Captain America as a Grey Knight, but I could never get the figures to put it all together. It was then that I first rebased and repainted clix and I found that I got a lot of satisfaction out of it, so, even though I didn't have a project in mind, I just kept going with it. A few years after that, I discovered SuperSystem and the rest, as they say, is history. 

These days, I'm spoiled for choice when it comes to miniatures for generic superheroes, I've lost track of the number of makes and manufacturers that have gone into my "Equalisers" setting stuff and I'm still yet to get any of my Crossover stuff on the table. However, when it comes to the big name heroes for my Ultimate Alliance games, I still find myself turning to Heroclix more often than not. Despite the quality of sculpts varying from reasonable to abysmal, the pre-painted atrocities and the above mentioned problems with rarity, the fact is, if you want a Marvel or DC hero, you'll find it in clix, probably for next to nothing. Knight Models has hit in a big way with their Batman/DC and Marvel ranges, but anyone who has bought one of their products will tell you about the fiddly assembly and poor cast quality. When I'm asked what the best way to get into supers gaming is, I say download the SS4 quick-play rules and grab a Heroclix booster; in for under $20. 

Marvel and DC are still the biggies when it comes to Heroclix, but I have plenty of the Indy clix and whilst I never bought any Halo, Assassin's Creed or Bioshock clix, I did see them around. Also, TMNT is coming out, which is pretty damn cool and should fill out a fair few slots on my wish list. What surprises me most about TMNT clix is just how long they've taken to arrive. As a writer and someone who has worked in the gaming industry, I get that miniature wargames is hardly an obvious choice for merchandising and that licensing is a legal minefield, but Heroclix is one of those weird entities that seems to have defied all expectation. Think about how much tooling molds for plastic miniatures must cost, even with a large scale production, and now consider that WizKids make hundreds of new molds every year; they must be doing ok to still be operating more than ten years later. 

Personally, I'm hoping that TMNT will be a huge success for WizKids, not because I play Heroclix (I don't anymore), but because it would be a great "bargaining chip" for them to expand their range. I don't know about you, but I was glad to get my hands on the BPRD set back in the day and got a bit giddy when I opened a Howard the Duck and I'm set to relive that with TMNT; fingers crossed that Metalhead isn't a Chase Rare. Should WizKids get the chance, I'd like to see them start to move in on some other comic, television, film and video game brands: 

Image Comics

Until recently, I had only been exposed to Image's early 1980s and 1990s work, which is, frankly, pretty woeful as Rob Liefeld is the driving force, both artistically and in terms of writing and he is pretty damn crap at both. Ok, so Deadpool came good in the hands of other writers, but that was clearly the exception rather than the rule. Then I started reading Invincible. Holy crap that comic is amazing. Like Jaime Reyes Blue Beetle and Ultimate Spider-Man amazing. Here was a fully fleshed-out world, populated with a variety of heroes that "felt" like Marvel or DC but was still unique and fresh. Forget Spawn and all that Youngblood crap; Invincible, Guardians of the Globe and Savage Dragon alone would provide a great basis for a series of Clix sets. Plus Spawn and all the other teenage power fantasy BS would draw in a few people as well. 

King Features Sydnicate

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think King still owns the rights to Phantom, Mandrake and Flash Gordon, plus the associated characters and even other "heroic" characters like Prince Valliant and Jungle Jim. Ok, so there's not a great deal of opportunity for growth, but at least there are more characters than the Watchmen set. Thanks to the 1980s DOE cartoon, there's a substantial cult following for these characters, and with superheroes being the big thing in pop culture at the moment, may as well strike while the iron's hot, right? Seriously, Octobrain clix, I want one. 

Dragonball Z 

Much like TMNT, why is this not a thing already? There's a new DBZ film and series on the way, the relaunched CCG is going gangbusters and DBZ video games continue to sell like crazy in Japan and the USA. Akira Toriyama is famously difficult, but has shown that he'll do pretty much anything for truckfulls of cash. When asked, as I have been more than once, how I would do DBZ as a minis game, I say that Heroclix is about the only existing system I can see pulling it off. Plus, there's hundreds of characters, many with multiple forms or costumes, so sets could go for years. It would be like printing money; watch Super Saiyan God Goku go for four figures on eBay, especially if he's a convention exclusive. 

Nintendo 

And why not? Nintendo will slap Mario and Co on pretty much anything these days the the punters lap it up. Have you seen Amiibos? I know people who don't even own a WiiU or DS that collect the damn things and keep them in the blister packs. Can you imagine how fast Nintendo Clix would sell? The best thing is, all Nintendo would have to do is sell the license and approve designs, then sit back and rake in a percentage. Nowhere near the top of my list, but still, the possibilities are pretty huge. 

So that's my (amateur) take on the future of Clix sets; probably more an exercise in fantasy than prescience, but that was what I was going for anyway. How about you, what boxes would you like to be cracking? CW DC sets? Mortal Kombat? Vallient Comics? 

Ultimate Alliance: Annihilation - Every Miniature

Just what it says on the tin, every figure for the big game: 

Every hero, ready to fight for the Earth. 

 

The Annihilation Wave. 

 

Galactus an his Heralds.

Fifty Civilians.

New York 1998: Three out of Four ain't bad.

With the last club meeting for the year set for December 12, I'm throwing together a little Ultimate Alliance game to both keep the masses entertained and play-test for the big game in May. 
Four teams, crossed objectives and a whole lot of carnage. In an alternate, WW3 Europe, superheroes are the front-line soldiers and no one is tied into copyright or continuity.
An alien spacecraft has crashed in war-torn Berlin and Metahumans from both sides (and more!) have been sent in to recover it.

 WETO (Western Earth Treaty Organisation) Methuman "Alpha Team" 

The Doctor: An alien exile trapped on Earth, The Doctor was in the employ of the United Nations before that entity was superseded by WETO. Unable to leave the planet under the conditions of his exile, The Doctor has moved from UNIT Scientific Adviser to Alpha Team's leader. Despite his aged appearance, The Doctor is quite spry, a master of martial arts and a literal Genius. 

The Hulk: Bruce Banner is the greatest hero the Confederated States of America has ever produced. Once a 90-pound weakling, the brilliant Banner invented a process using Gamma Radiation whereby he was transformed into the Incredible Hulk! Unfortunately, the process seems to not work on any of the other volunteers, so the Hulk has become the most powerful weapon in the WETO arnsenel. 

Aquaman: Atlantis signing the WETO Treaty meant not only unparallelled naval superiority, but also every sea creature within Aquaman's call is a potential solider against communism. Maligned at the start of the War for his "useless powers", Aquaman has outlived many other heroes and proven himself to be a valuable asset in any conflict. Many a "Red" has rued the day they laughed at Curry, only to find themselves looking down the wrong end of a giant squid. 

Snake Plissken: Special Forces Legend, "Snake" Plissken has a reputation for being able to get out of any situation, no matter how dangerous or ridiculous. Despite his lack of superhuman powers, Snake has been a part of more successful missions than any other operative of WETO. Self-reliant, unflappable and stealthy, Snake is a valued asset for the Alpha Team. I heard he was dead, though? 

 MOFO (Mutant Official Freedom Organisation) 

Leonardo: The last survivor of a cadre of mutated animals, Leo has taken on a quest of his own devising, to create an independent Mutant State in the radioactive wastelands left by the war. A brave warrior and dependable leader, Leo keeps the otherwise troublesome MOFOs focused on their goals. WETO and GSS incursions into what Leo considers "his" territory will be met with nothing less than deadly force. 

Wolverine: Older than dirt and with a body count rivaling Smersh, Wolverine is the most wanted independent metahuman in Europe, Asia and Antarctica. With a reputation for killing everything and everything in his path, many wonder just what deal Leo has struck with Wolverine in order to keep such a creature focused on the enemy and not on the hundreds of mutants around him every day. 

Liz Sherman: A fire-controlling psychic with an axe to grind against the CSA, Liz threw in her lot with MOFO after her former employers tried to have her killed. Liz cares little for nations or ideology, so long as she gets to light a few soldiers on fire and watch them burn. 

Killer Croc: Croc likes to eat girls. Goes on "special dates" with the chewy bits, Nobody likes Croc. 
 

Global Soviet State 

Crimson Dynamo: CD was a joke in the Motherland until his defeat of the arch-capitalist Iron Man cemented his status as the number one hero in the Global Soviet State. Made from state-of-the-art 1980s technology, CD is a walking (flying, for short distances) tank, with enough firepower to take on the mightiest of capitalist super-pigs. With Crimson Dynamo, the sunrise is always red for the GSS. 

Wonder Woman: Many were surprised when Themyscira turned Socialist (seeing as it has a hereditary monarchy), but the real shock came when Diana started dropping WETO jets from the sky with her bare hands. More than a rival to the West's greatest heroes, Wonder Woman strikes fear into WETO soldiers with her bulletproof bodice and lasso of truth. Those boots are made for crushing skulls. 

Green Arrow: Former Industrialist Oliver Queen defected to GSS to further his dreams of Socialism, the rights of the worker and the progression of the glorious five year plan. Queen was hardly a major propaganda coup, with his boxing glove and buzz saw arrows, however, his skill is more than enough to silence most critics. 

Kraven the Hunter: Descended from Russian nobility, Sergi Kravenoff was living, in exile, in the CSA when the war broke out. GSS security forces offered the White Russian a pardon, as they were desperate for more metahumans to compete with the West. Kraven is well-aware of the tokenism of his position, but feels that the compromise is worth it to have his family's estates and titles returned. 

Still haven't finished the alien team for the game, hope to have them finished before the week is out. 

Thinking Objectively

As much as I enjoy Superhero games, it's always more fun for me when there is an actual mission going on and not just an all-out brawl. Having to rescue hostages, recover stolen goods, escape the authorities and so on. Glass beads, cardboard chits and spare dice are all well and good, but I like to have something a bit more special on my table. After all, I spent all that time making the terrain and painting the miniatures, why not take the time to work on some nice objecives? 

A, very kind, remark about one of my objectives on the Lead Adventure Forum inspired me to put together a look at my growing collection of gaming markers and objectives, you'll notice that many are on 50mm bases to be used for Secrets of the Third Reich, but they still work fine for Super System. 

HeroClix 

There are some great pieces hiding in the various Heroclix ranges, especially the Organised Play Rewards, which can go for quite cheap once they've fallen out of the meta. Above you can see the Clix M'Kaann Crystal and Cosmic Cube as well as Young Hellboy (great for Golden Age games) and a fun little marker that came with The Question. 

"Classic" Objectives

A couple that see service in SOTR, a stack of containers and an injured soldier still work for Golden Age Supers and pulp games. A packet of 1/35 Jerry Cans and some bases can give you all the objectives you'll ever need. 

Games Workshop

 

I was given a couple of these GW Tyranid "growths" a while back in a box of spares and thought I just had to do something with them. Some Liquid Greenstuff and a few spare parts later and I came up with these two grotesque beauties. I tried to paint them a bit like the "Creep" from StarCraft to make them more generic. 

Scratch Builds 

 

I love scratch-building. Its a challenge and it clears out my bits box (bits garage, whatever). Above you can see "The Football" and Mjolnir, my two favorites of all my objectives. The football is a 1/35 briefcase, zombie hand and a piece of chain from something. Mjolnir is a small rectangle of carved foam and the handle from a GW Beastman weapon. Both simple, both look great. 

  

A few smaller objectives that I did specifically for Super System; the bomb is spare bits and plastic rod and was originally made for The Joker to use in a Batman SS3 game. The Spear of Destiny and Dragonballs are for a big SS3/4 game that I've been working on for a while, both are scraps from other projects with a little Greenstuff. 

Hope you gleaned a few ideas to add that little more to your games. 

- James